alias: devsgirl // W // Pooh thinking: not happy reading: more stuff watching: VM tonight! listening: eh lusting: everyone sucks quote: "There are certainly plenty of less painful ways to deal with stress, but really, how many times a day can you masturbate?" ~ Anderson Cooper
I pay rent and with my rent comes an assigned parking space. During working hours, when you're allowed to ASSUME that my ass is being a productive member of society and therefore, not home, yes you may squat in my parking spot. But when I come back anytime after 5 PM, you are not allowed to still be there. So imagine my utter SHOCK at seeing your fucking truck still parked in my spot at 7PM on a weekday... and then still parked there in the fucking morning when I leave the apartment at 9AM. Fine. Whatever. I'll let you have a one-off because I'm NICE, even if I wanted to be a bitch and call a towing truck myself to move your bastard truck.
But when I come back in the afternoon to find you STILL parked in my spot, understand why I'm pissed. And then when I leave again to run errands, only to return to see that not only are you STILL parked there, but you've switched your squatting ass truck with your squatting ass VAN and suddenly seem to be playing musical parking space with my spot, DO NOT give me shit about how you need to be parked close to the building because you're fixing pipes. ESPECIALLY when there are not only THREE EMPTY guest parking spaces literally two spots away, but everyone else's empty spaces all around the very small lot. So when I get you to move your fucking ass, DO NOT fucking roll your eyes at me. I might have let it slide EXCEPT you displaced me the night before, forcing me to drive all the way down the block for a spot on the street. When I'm already PAYING for my own space.
And THEN. Don't give me a fucking notice telling me you're fixing my pipes and plan on shutting off the water on Tuesday, making me stay away all of Tuesday to let you do your work. And then come back on Tuesday night, expecting you to have finished. Only to find out Wednesday morning that you're fixing my pipes on Wednesday and not on the appointed Tuesday. I HAVE TO FUCKING PEE, BITCH. Not to mention brush my teeth, shower, and put in my contacts. And I can't drive anywhere without my contacts in to take care of the other problems. Had I known this EARLIER, I would have planned for it!
And THEN! And I don't even know how LEGAL this is! DO NOT ENTER my apartment at 8:30AM on Wednesday morning, walk all the way up the fucking stairs into my living room, and THEN call out asking if anyone is home. EXCUSE ME? Aren't you supposed to knock or ring the bell BEFORE you enter someone's residence without permission? And I know you did NONE of that because I was lying awake in bed. Your little LYING NOTICE even said that NO ONE would be entering my apartment. You're lucky the roomie intercepted you before you came anywhere close to the bedrooms, motherfucker. I would have maced you.
So yeah, asshole. I am not impressed with you or the new super, and these are only minor transgressions. I haven't even started bitching about all the other shit you've pulled. Tread carefully, punkasses, because I will cut and I will write awesome letters of complaint -- just ask Continental and my hometown school board. HRMPH.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Have finished the first disc of my new, wonderful, lovely, awesome, Space: Above and Beyond DVD set. OMG. I love this show! Even a decade old, this show still RULES! And GAH, McQueen! Vansen! West!
Stupid freaking Carter and FOX and their STUPID behind-the-scenes politicking against the show! BASTARDS!
Steph (and V), if you haven't gotten it yet, I think it's still a Best Buy exclusive right now. No extras, though, which sucks, because I'm a commentaryh0r. *sigh*
I have no idea why I'm writing about it now, but... eh. I'm still up and have nothing really interesting to say. Also, that really long rambling, 'I was so totally out of my mind when I posted' post is getting on my nerves.
I'm feeling much better right now. It's ALMOST starting to sink it. It would be way nicer with a really cool "Dr." in front of my name, but eh, I'll deal with it. It'll probably really sink in as soon as I finish the corrections (got my abstract fixed, just need to add a bit to the conclusion) and my paperwork signed by the grad director (meh). Tomorrow! Er, today. And then hand it all in and dust my hands of the thing (next week). But god, I didn't realize how exhausted I was yesterday until I woke up this morning still wearing the clothes I changed into from out of my suit. Wasn't even truly lucid enough to change for bed. This morning was... disconcerting, to say the least. But I remembered tonight, so I'm ready for any narcoleptic events.
God. I need a job. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt. How much do I want to concentrate on finding a job HERE as opposed to a job ANYWHERE ELSE? *brain hurtz*
According to some, I went way out for this thing. Wore my Benetton suit for the first time with the really cute skirt and a lucky purple-colored shirt. Was too hot, so ended up skipping the jacket. Hell, fucking wore pantyhose and the good underwear, too. The shoes were killing me, and you know, it's really hard to run in heels which sucked because I kept forgetting things and needed to run back and forth from the conference room and the lab, and I haven't worn dress shoes since the last day of work. And then I had to wear the whole getup to pick up the food... they tell you that a 3" sub will feed 10-12 people, they're not kidding. I've got leftovers. Anyone want any? The advisor was worried about me because I didn't eat all day, and I couldn't eat before the thing even though he kept telling me to start eating first before the presentation. And then I went out to the car to practice one more time, but when I got out of the car, I couldn't find my car keys anymore. So messed up. Looked everywhere in the car, in the grass... and where the hell was it? Slipped out of my hand and fell on the seat. Duh. But omg, the other two committee members started asking questions after the 4th slide, and I know I totally fucked it up because I'd start answering and then have to stop and mentally WTF myself. But the other lab members there said I did really well, but what do they know. And then the few minutes between finishing and waiting for them to give you the final say while they deliberate? Most excruciatingly long minutes ever. Really. Then he came and told me that they wanted me to add and fix some things, which was fine. I thought they'd want me to do a lot more work, because that's what all the questions sounded like they were headed in. But apparently, the only really big thing they wanted me to do was to add a paragraph to the abstract and the conclusion pimping my accomplishments and the significance of the research. According to the prof, the research I did was either one of or the very first of its kind investigating that particular hypothesis. At least, I was the very first when I started it a million years ago so who knows what number I am right now. But they wanted me to tout it anyway, and were actually more upset about me not emphasizing the novelty of it and my role in the research than they were with the sucky non-answers to their presentation questions. Huh. Oookkkaayyyy. Go me....? Roomie said after he did his, he was so fucking relieved but that I didn't look like I was that relieved. I think it's just all the stress. Someone said maybe it was just shock that it's finally over. But I think maybe it's really just that it doesn't feel any different. It's been part of me for so long that I don't know how to let it go, because after this, I'd think I'd need to clean off my desk in the lab. It's kind of... sad. And nothing about me has changed. The thing about this is I don't get a swanky new addition to my name, no titles, nothing. It's just me, with an extra piece of paper. And now I still need to find a job. Blech. And getting shitfaced is hard when you come home to remember that oops, forgot to stock up on the liquor. I was going to take everyone out for dinner, but everyone's rushing to finish up this week, too. And a few minutes ago, I just fell in a heap in bed -- not because I collapsed, but because I had to call J and that was the only way to get a nice cellular signal; yes, it's stupid -- but I closed my eyes while the phone was ringing and... wow. You know that feeling you get when you're so tired you can't sleep? Yeah. Now there's this lightheaded tingle in my head and I think the adrenaline is finally wearing off. omg, it just occurred to me. I didn't shake for ten minutes after it was finished. That used to happen to me all the time after a presentation, but yeah... I didn't get the shakes. Wow. And hell, I even made jokes during the presentation and... huh. This is weird. Who the hell am I? Omg, before this gets even weirder and more rambly, because I do have a graduate degree now. Holy crap. Really, I am much smarter than this entry would suggest. But god... must crash eventually. Now might be good.
I can't remember anything. I look at my slides and completely blank out. I'm reading my notes every other word and not really making eye contact. And I'm um'ing the hell out of everything. I think the problem is I finished all the data analysis in a week and didn't really have time to let it sink it for complete understanding.
But I'm bringing food. Lots and lots of food. And cookies. I will distract them through their stomachs!
OMG. I'M GOING TO DIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Doom is scheduled for 1:45. Don't even bother trying to get in touch with me until at least 2:30.
And I just placed an order for $70 worth of subs and cookies. If I can't win them through my fumbling, stammering, nervous presentation, then I'm totally going to entice them through FOOD. And I have 3 12-packs of soda and bottled water. You think that's overkill?
Well, if anything, I'll have leftovers for the rest of the week.
The things I'll do to NOT write up my speech for Tuesday:
Run. Yes, I ran. Okay, more like ran, then walked, then tried to run again, but doubled over in pain and ended up doing more walking than running. God, it was excruciating. But I perservered, and you know how much I hate running. One of these days, I'll stop being in such bad shape and do one consecutive mile before my lungs explode. Hell, one of these days, I may even end up doing TWO miles of straight running. Yes, I dare to dream.
And now that I am freshly showered, I'm going to... go to the store and start picking up some soda and water for Tuesday's defense. I have no clue if the prof is going to reimburse me because he kept saying stuff like "WE'LL provide food," etc. Does that mean "me and him," "him and me," or just "Pooh"? Anyway, I'm not taking any chances. Everyone knows you can distract with food, dammit. He also keeps mentioning pizza, but EVERYONE provides pizza (or donuts if it's in the morning) and I don't want to be everyone. I'm thinking... sammiches? What do you think? Subs or pizza? Of course, if he's paying for it, then... whatever. Pizza it'll be.
God, I'm so scared I'm going to have NOTHING to talk about. How do you stretch nothing into 20-25 minutes? Ugh.
Jesus. I forgot that Celebrity Poker Showdown was on and just turned to it. To see Vartan sitting in the loser's lounge. And GODDAMMIT! Why is he so cute all of a sudden? Why is it that ever since JG dumped his wrinkly forehead, both he and Vaughn (ok, actually, that came like last season) have become a lot more appealing to me?
Actually, I'm incredibly calm. *shrug* Crazy since I have no clue what I'm supposed to talk about. And meh... still gotta do the slides for the prof tomorrow, but I'm all... eh, whatever.
He gave me back my edited draft and told me that he doesn't usually go through so much trouble for students. What did he correct? Mostly my abstract, which is what gets published nationally (eeek!) so it had to look super awesome. And then after that... just some very very very minor rewording of a couple of sentences in the conclusion.
Am waiting for advisor to get out of class. The one guy here asked to see my thesis. Er, okay. Then he asked how to transfer Excel graphs to Word. And THEN he asked how the hell to change the formatting for each curve.
Um. This makes my head hurt. Hello? You got all the way through grad school without using Excel before? *sobs for the education system*
So the PoohBro has decided to join crew. Awesome. Excellent. Grr. So not only does he have the same name as my latest crush, he's also trying out for the same sport as my greatest ever crush. And it occurs to me that all this together could probably make him the perfect man for me. Except he's my brother and THAT'S DISGUSTING!
And then the bastard called me up tonight to pick him up from the boathouse, drop him off at his dorm, and then drive him to another campus so he can take his swim test. All of this made him miss dinner at the dining halls so he talked me into taking him out for pizza. Which I had to pay for, of course. But I got good blackmail material out of our convos so that's good at least. I can't believe the bastard actually had the nerve to ask me if I was planning on going home this weekend, and if so, to pick up his laundry, do it, and then drop it off when I come back. WTF. I AM NOT A LAUNDRY SERVICE!
Argh. So I just got back from dinner. The SGA recap is slow going. Only ten minutes into the episode, and I've already slashed the boyfriend (which I usually refuse to do, but goddammit, slash can be snarked a lot easier than my het 'ship since I also refuse to see any other het 'ships) and spent five big paragraphs lusting over his newly toned biceps. *sigh* Don't know when I'll get to finish this, so thank god the next new episode isn't for two weeks.
Got an email from the advisor this morning. He's going to hand back the corrected draft and then wants me to finish editing it and making copies for everyone else. Grr, thanks for letting me know because I already handed out a copy last Friday. And then he wants me to email him my PPT slides by Wednesday. *cries* I hate making slides! What's the rule of thumb? 30 seconds/slide? 1 minute/slide? Anyway, there's no real set length to the presentation, but I think it's supposed to be about 20-25 minutes long? So that makes it... 20-30 slides? *confused* Hateful. I'm going to be up all night making them. Mreh. The presentation will probably be sometime Monday to Wednesday. And then, IT'LL BE OVER. Unless they and the world hate me. In that case, I WILL BE DEAD AND OUT OF MY MISERY. Ugh.
Even though I went to bed late last night, I still woke up early today. Then N and F were late coming to pick me up on the way to J's. I was also sort of miserable because I was trying not to hack up a lung in the back of N's car. Mmm, the nice stinky aroma of Hall's. Was sucking on those things like my life depended on it. Heh. We got to J's, then went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Didn't have breakfast so I was starving. Yet, I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea to go with my pasta, and... just like the last time we did drinks during lunch, I got pretty damn buzzed halfway through my drink -- the buzzy, tingly, lightheadedness that makes me want to make room at the table to put my head down for a few minutes. Everyone thought it was hilarious and typical. WTF. Har har. Hrmph. It was only because I hadn't eaten and hadn't been drinking in forever! Dammit.
Then we went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin. The guy checking tickets said he liked my necklace, which of course, J took as him "totally hitting on you." PFFT. Anyway, the movie was hilarious, even if it did run long and got all sorts of schmaltzy close to the end. But then I was still sort of buzzed and gaining a headache, too. *sigh*
I almost couldn't keep my eyes open on the drive back. Getting old sucks, yo. Anyway, we found out N has never been go-karting before so we started a list of things she's never done before that we need to make sure she does. Haunted hayride for Halloween is also on that list. And sometime in the spring, we're going to have a girls' weekend in Vegas. Heh. That'll be... scary. Anyway, am still hacking up a lung though I think I may be getting better, and am really freaking tired. So I'll probably go to bed before midnight for the first time in forever and try to finish the SGA: Conversion recap tomorrow after I hand in the last copy of my thesis draft. I can start figuring out PPT slides on Tuesday. I think. Argh.
It's a very... weird feeling. And that has nothing to do with being sick, though I couldn't fall asleep at all last night. Every hour or so I'd wake up sniffling and unable to breathe, hacking up a lung, sneezing loud enough to wake up the roomie, and sweating like a big ol' sweaty thing. I'm glad I didn't die from chugging the Nyquil straight from the bottle. Sadly, the bottle is now gone and I feel way too icky to go to the store. (Also, gonna need gas soon, and it's a bitch to have to check gas prices online first before heading out, 'cuz seriously. WTF.) Hmm... think vodka will work the same way?
In other fun news, J informed me that her boy made a proposal... statement. That's pretty much the only thing to call it -- said he was going to marry her but that he needed to ask her parents first and wanted to wait for the ring. Poor girl ran to the bathroom (heh) because how do you react to a statement? At least a question has a 'yes' and 'no' appended to the end. Not like he was waiting for a reaction either. I won't get into how sketchy this whole thing is (roomie agrees with me, so I'm not full of bs). Meh. And even though just last week she was still confused on whether or not they should have gotten back together again (3rd? 4th? 5th time in the last 2 years?), I have a bad feeling I'm going to need to at least start the process of exercising again -- bitch told me (if she says 'yes') I'm wearing a dress. No ifs, ands, or buts. HRMPH. Hateful. But I'll let it pass since her birthday is in a week and it would be just like the brat to ask for real then.
*is jealous though, wishes (one of the) boyfriend(s) would propose to me*
Saw BuxBoy last night! There were smiles and 'hi's (and one 'excuse me!' -- shut up), but all his little homies were there and I was exhausted and shitty-looking (according to the bastard roomie) and sick. Still just as cute as the blurry pic would suggest, but he's suddenly a lot shorter than I remembered. And by shorter, I mean only a scant few inches taller than me. Yes, I AM that shallow. *sads*
And anyway, if Bux could find a way to infuse their lattes with cold meds, that would be great. Thanks.
I hope he doesn't take too long to look it over and tell me everything that needs to be changed because I just emailed all the other committee members and told them I would provide a copy of it asap. Erm... with primary pages, that's 83 pages. Printing out 166 pages is gonna be a bitch if I can only sneak 20 pages at a time on the comp lab printer. And needing to fix anything will be an even bigger bitch. Meh.
Thesis defense tenatively scheduled for week of Sept 19 pending availability of everyone else. Weeeeeeeeeeeee!
People. I think the cold meds finally, really, truly kicked in. Brain is fuzzy in a way that's different than stress-fuzz or sick-fuzz. I need to concentrate to even remember that I'm sitting right here. Omg, this is bad, right? I really feel like I'm about to drop dead. Except the tingly buzzy feeling in my head is confusing me.
Oh. And I think I'm done. No, I know I'm done. I have just finished editing my abstract. Everything else is done done DONE. Just need to find a printer and print this shit out. Then need to show the advisor, and then print out more copies. Ask me how much I'm loving that the thesis proper is 69 pages. Ha!
Er... I was just about to do something.
Right. Printer. Must find.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I AM DONE WRITING! (or until the advisor looks at it and tells me to make more graphs, add this and that, and rewrite chapters) BUT WHATEVER.
omg. i'm starting to lose control of my hands and arms now... should go and take care of this before crashing.
Wow. It's amazing how a few hours of sleep and an OD of cold medicine can help with the bullshitting. Because editing my last chapter has been pretty easy so far. Of course, it'll probably make absolutely no sense once I'm of sound mind again, but... eh. IT'S ALMOST OVER, THANK GOD. Hmm... I wonder how effective these drugs will be when I write up my abstract in a little while...
It's official. I'm sick. Have been blowing my nose all day. When it gets warm in the lab, I get very icky and uncomfortable. When it gets even a tiny bit cool, I'm freezing and shivering. Have I mentioned the non-stop noseblowing? It's gross, too. Just went out to get some coffee (no Buxboy! bastard) and my head is all stuffy and I wanted nothing more than to sleep behind the wheel.
And for some reason, I can't remember that today is Tuesday and not Wednesday. The sad part is I had 7 hours of sleep last night. WTF. Anyway, I just finished and finished beta'ing Chapter 4 -- if you can call it that because I still don't remember what the hell I wrote. Already did a quick edit of Chapter 3. Ain't touching Chapters 1 or 2. And I have already written half of Chapter 5, which really only needs to be 4-5 pages. So. Really all I have left to do is finish 5, which I'm pretty much going to c/p from the paper I wrote for some conference ages ago, and write up my abstract. Everything else is just icing I can do tomorrow. I think. Oh, right. Also need to download some shitty tech drawing program so I can finally draw up my circuit and stick it into Chapter 3.
OMGSOCLOSE THANK GOD BECAUSE I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE FIRST FROM A SUCKYASS COLD THAN I AM FROM LACK OF SLEEP AND GENERAL DEATHY WISHES.
Oooo-eeeee-oooo I look just like Buddy Holly Oh oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore I don't care what they say about us anyway I don't care 'bout that I DON'T CARE 'BOUT THAT
Bang, bang a knock on the door Another big bang and you're down on the floor Oh no! What do we do? Don't look now but I lost my shoe........
THAT is what's going through my head NON-STOP right at this very moment. It won't leave me the hell alone. Goddammit. Do you know how hard it is to BS 32 graphs when you have THAT playing in your head? UGH!
*HEADDESK*
Good news: I am THISCLOSE to finishing the first very rough draft (think really really bad!fic-level) of Chapter 4. After that, all I need is to do a quick Chapter 5, re-do Chapter 3 and 4. Add a circuit diagram into Chapter 3. And do all the little tiny other pre-thesis chapters to finish it off. EXCITING, ISN'T IT?!!!
Only halfway through my results chapter. 12 more graphs to do a quick write-up for before going back and fleshing out all the details. And now realized that I still need to do a few more calculations for the final section of the results chapter. ARGH.
I can do this. I still have all night and all tomorrow. *nods* Stupid self-imposed deadlines! Good thing I have no net hookup at my lab desk and only allow myself a few minutes every hour or two for brain breaks. Still... ARGH.
And there's a huge daddy-longlegs spider in the bathroom! HUGE! It's the size of my hand. Nevermind my short stubby fingers. MY FREAKING HAND! *wibbles* Someone come here and kill it please?
File this under 'Pooh is a Freaking Lame-ass Tardo':
The past two days, the gas gauge hadn't moved from "Full," which made no sense because the odometer read that Sylvie had already racked up over 100 miles, which is about a third of the tank. For some reason, I was convinced the gauge was broken. Yeah... so today, I push the trip odometer button -- the one I always reset after I gas up -- and the tank mileage was less than 50 miles. Apparently, stupid yours truly forgot to reset the other odometer which lead to really stupid freaking out.
*FACEPALM*
My excuse is that my brain was/is fried. Completely.
Speaking of which... went by the prof's today to see if I could snag an old thesis to match up the formatting. (For reals, the Grad School actually sits there and measures margins with a freaking ruler. Ugh.) Ran into the other guy there who's trying to defend at the same time as me, and who happens to have almost the same project as me. Dude's written maybe half to one chapter less than me and is planning on finishing it all up on Monday. The prof told him the same exact thing as me: collect some data, write it up, and don't exceed 75 pages. Sounds like a snap when he puts it that way. *sigh* Well... slacked off today for a mental break now that I've decided to hand it in on Tuesday instead. But guy told me prof is actually at a conference and won't be back until Wednesday. This is evil because now I feel even less guilty about taking a mental day. But I will perservere, dammit, and finish it all up on Tuesday. *knocks on wood*
Stress is bad. So is sitting in an air-conditioned library for 8 hours straight.
Throat was all scratchy and itchy last night. Today, it was only sort of itchy and scratchy, but now it feels kind of phlegmy. I don't need this right now. I mean I REALLY DON'T need this. In two weeks? Not a problem. I'll be as sick as whatever's Very Cruel and Punishing, but NOT NOW, DAMMIT.
I spent all day trying to figure out what graphs to put into my final paper. I think I'm still confused. After all that data, I'm really only comparing spectral contents for two heart sounds. They just look like... curves. The trending is SORT OF there, but I still think it's pretty subjective. I'm trying to come up with other things I can do -- things that involve calculations or standard deviations or something, just so it feels like I didn't just sit there and make graphs of the sounds I pulled off people. Because right now? All I have are curvy graphs. Quick. Someone give me some tests to run or something. I've already decided that my Schedule of DOOM, which I was aiming for total completion by tomorrow, is not going to happen. Good thing I told the advisor I might end up giving everything to him after the weekend. And OH LOOK! It's a long weekend, too. So totally didn't do that on purpose. Nope. I tried to go see him this evening to see if he had any advice or if he'd let me coast by with just my pretty graphs and subjective trending. But alas, no one there on the first day of classes. WTF.
So I spent most of the time setting up the title page and abstract and table of contents and figures list. Oh, and I get to do this acknowledgements and dedications page. Who wants on? I'm giving away my acknowledgements for free, yo. AND you'll be forever immortalized as having my thanks. Heh.
iTunes just shuffled to "All I Need is a Miracle." No shit.
Turns out parsing 340 data curves while brain is fried is... very not good. Why didn't I catch that stupid mistake 100 curves ago? Yeeeeeeeesh. But at least now I think I know what graphs I'm going to need, which helps plan out my Chapter 4. I CANNOT wait to get to Chapter 5. BS'ing a conclusion and spewing out crap out future research directions is going to be a snap after staring at all these graphs... which I'm going to do just as soon as I get a few hours of sleep. Yes.
Now if I can only find a stupid program that will let me draw out my circuit diagram. Grrr.
