alias: devsgirl // W // Pooh thinking: show hiatus sucks reading: Philip Marlowe series watching: Veronica Mars; Atlantis on loop listening: The Essential Johnny Cash lusting: Sheppard and Logan woobie! quote: "Tea to start, coffee every 15 minutes thereafter." ~ David Hewlett, interview
Alias recap in a few hours. And in honor of the Marshall!Mission, there will be Venn diagrams, flowcharts, and circuit schematics involved. *geeks out*
GAH. Woke up late. Woke up very late. Then got confused. So... I'm having issues of top/bottom color-matching right now. Alas, I'm already at work and it's too late. Oops.
In fandom news... OMG, I've turned into a speccing fiend! First, brain worked overtime on Veronica Mars at Snarkgasm. Now I've been dissecting Eyes on the LJ. It feels like the TV season has started new all over again. *bounce*
Head's up: If Eyes gets picked up for next season, we are sooooooooo going to the ABC Preview Weekend. Get it? Got it? Good. *nods*
The sun is pretty. I like the sun. I love bright sunny mornings.
BUT NOT AT 6AM!!!!!
Starving now. Such a beautiful day. Kinda want to have a picnic, but sadly, at work. Bleh. If I'm up to it, may rant later about the ridiculous safety hazard of having left lane exits on the highway. 'Cuz seriously? They suck.
Silly Pooh! Woke up this morning with a sore neck. Twisted it back and forth while in bed, heard a swishy, creaky noise and got worried that neck was so sore it was actually making noises. Uhhh... yeah... turned out Eeyore got flipped around, ended up on the pillow, and my hair was rustling the tag on Eeyore's butt. Me, dumbass.
YAY, Fandom Lust!!
1) Reason #142 to love David Hewlett:
If you could have any super power, what would you pick?
"Super intelligence ... or invisibility. Though, if I were super-intelligent I could figure out invisibility, so super intelligence it is. Unless it means I'd have to have one of those really big heads like they often do in the comic books.
That said, I'd figure out invisibility so nobody would be able to see me anyways ... so super intelligence is my final answer." (from Gateworld's 55 Questions...
Snark! The whole interview is snarky fun!
2) 'Rising' DVD with commentary by Joe! Weeeeeeeeee! Hopefully, more snarky fun! *bounce!*
3) Last night's 24:
~ Edgar? SHUTTHEFUCKUP! ~ As agreed upon with Jenai during ep chat, Funniest. Episode. Ever. All that inner office squabbling? Chloe vs. Edgar? Chloe vs. Everyone? Edgar vs. Everyone? L.M.F.A.O. Also, Edgar needs to STFU. Episode was probably really funny only because TehKief was barely in it. ~ Jack Bauer cuffed and strung up but without the nekkid and the torture? What is this world coming to? Show's slipping, dude. ~ Why is LongFace still alive? ~ When are Tony and Michelle going to have some quality time in the bathroom or janitor's closet? ~ Poor Behroooooooooooz. ~ Dina's not dead, yo. She's with Nina and Sherry. And they're all partying with Mason with Chappelle... (and probably Dixon's non-existent brother) in the islands. *nods* ~ TC McQueen!!!! God, I love James Morrison and his voice. He made me watch that suckfest called Point Pleasant, and now he's atoning for it by being on 24. Thank god.
4) Tim Daly. He's always been adorkable, but when did he get so damn hot?
Had big long ranty post about cars and maintenance checks and brakes and dealers and exorbitant labor fees... and then a gripe-y post about non-stop torrential downpours and how people can't drive it in and therefore the advice to 'take it easy on the new brakes' had to be ignored and I spent both commutes apologizing to the car because people SUCK... and then a happy post about how I managed to squeak out a couple of tiny but better than nothing tax refunds... and then a sad post about how that money's going straight to the PoohDad for spotting me the car cash when he picked up the car for me....
And then blogger ate it when I was posting.
And now I'm peeved.
And am not in the mood to rant again.
HRMPH!
ETA: It ate my post again! Luckily, I remembered to copy it first before attempting post-age. Bastard Blogger! Please let third time be the charm.
I was a good daughter today. *pats self on back* It's Easter weekend and PoohMom asked me to help her out today, which I did, without complaint. But... ugh. Working retail SUCKS. My feet are killing me. I only got to sit down for a few minutes the entire 10 hour workday. It took me two hours to eat my lunch because every time I sat down to take a few bits, more people came into the store. People, in general, SUCK. People who haggle with ridiculous expectations, SUCK EVEN MORE. And for the last freaking time! The tax in NYC is 8.625% and EVERYONE pays it NO MATTER WHERE YOU'RE 'FROM'!!!! Fucking dumbasses! *hates the world, but especially stupid people*
*hates taxes, too* Gonna cut my check for the government tomorrow. Bastards.
Four more months until Atlantis S2. Must hold onto that thought to keep me going. It's almost summer! It is! It... really... is....
I'm a good girl. With lots of issues to work through, apparently... lots of repression... lots of growing up... So, of course, it would be understandable why I freaked when the PoohDad borrowed my Love Actually DVD for the plane. Nevermind that it's way too shmoopy for him. There's tons of nekkidness in the movie! That's like handing over a porn movie to the PoohDad -- wait! There was a porn movie in there! Damn.
Tonight's the Atlantis finale, which means I can officially go into a funk until late summer when the new season premieres. Bah.
"Joe has a fear of the internet. There, I said it. It's an unnatural, unrealistic, unrational fear of the internet." -- Martin Gero, from Atlantis 'Siege, Part II' podcast commentary. (*won't comment on a writer's use of the word 'unrational'*)
LMFAO. *pets the boyfriend* Bah, boyfriends aren't supposed to fear the internet, dammit, but hearing him walk in and then run out of the room was kinda funny. He better be doing episode commentary on the DVDs. He's geeky and snarky enough to be interesting and hilarious, and I need a bigger boyfriend fix to make up for the looooooooooooooong break between seasons. Anyway, people who refuse to do commentary... suck. Hrmph.
Vid is still brainfarting. Have ordered even newer toy now that I've given up on Adobe. Other than that, must make decisions on 1) going to Boston to visit Meg, 2) going to Jenai's graduation and getting trashed, and 3) making a playlists for the cd swap. (to obnoxiously boy-band it or not to boy-band it? decisions, decisions)
Have finally given up and decided to forgo the Alias snark this week. *sulks* I remember a time when I would die laughing, way too eager to snark on the show. Now? Meh. Am too lazy or maybe just too indifferent now. Besides, all those freaking subtitles?! Really cuts down on my ability to multi-task while writing up the snark, and dammit, I need to multi-task or else I start twitching. The previews for next week, however, look like prime snarking material. Can't wait. *bouncy*
Have brainfarted with vid. Stupid mental obstacles with finishing things. Must remember to drink next time I sit down to complete it. Inebriation tends to kill the anal perfectionist in me. Yay!
Am tired. Have been having weird health issues. Also no car this weekend as strange warnings have been popping up. Meh. Eventually, be back to writing in complete sentences.
Lots of heavy precipitation today with low visibility.
[insert usual rant about drivers who don't turn on their lights]
There's something really wrong about a 40 minute commute home where I got to see heavy rain turn into a sleet mix turn into real snow turn back into sleet turn into hail. Everyone got the memo about it being Spring now... right?
Am feeling icky. Hence the not sleeping right now, which will soon be corrected. I'm thinking it might have been the tuna sandwich I had earlier. For some reason, I couldn't feel the tip of my tongue afterwards. I think I'm getting feeling back now. Ick.
I've decided WMM wouldn't be so bad if it allowed for PiPs and overlays. Stupid minimalist free programs. *mourns loss of extra cool special effects* *kicks the shit out of Adobe* I'm halfway finished picking out/placing clips for the newest vid (just for Meg, for being an ethusiastic beta, even if she is off her rockers). Silly songs rule! Editing and finishing should only take... oh... another two weeks. Yay! *kicks Adobe again for good measure*
Just an observation (and a little bit of advice) on a very mundane aspect of every day life:
If you're going to be an assy driver, PLEASE DO NOT pick your nose while doing it. The last thing I want to see when I pass you to give you a Jersey greeting is that you're already giving yourself a very enthusiastic finger.
So our "new" work liaison (VanWilder!Yay!) came up to us and moaned about us not having a Philly case today. (Whatever.) Then he started talking about "need to renew the contract with the hospital" and "they need some board approval or something" and "probably won't go down for a few weeks." Basically, he made it sound like WE wouldn't go back to Philly for a few weeks. Which is fine, except March ends next week and umm... weren't we told about a soft end date for this month? *scratches head* Of course, the relevant questions were posed: Are we getting a real end date? Or are we going to keep going for next month? Or, heaven forbid, are you guys just going to put our boxes of personal stuff outside the door tomorrow? We'd like to have a heads up, if you could, kthnx?
VW's response was pretty much "don't look a gifthorse in the mouth" or some equally disturbing cliche he likes to rattle off every other sentence or so. Ugh. Our response back consisted mainly of "we're not complaining; we just need to know if we need to start saving up for the Getting-Totally-Trashed-Because-You-Bastards-Finally-Let-Us-Go Fund now." Anyway, long story short, he's going to ask around and find out for us.
It's official. I am a dumbass. And I am in dire need of a haircut -- normally a highly traumatic event for me. You'd think someone coming up to me and saying, 'omg, Pooh, you're hair is so long!' would have been sufficient to get my butt moving. Or me looking in the mirror (rare occasion, I know) and going 'holy crap! when did my hair get that long?' But nope, not even. It took me wearing a short-sleeved shirt to work today. Maintenance crew has been messing with wires and stuff in the lab ceiling, and as a result, there's a bunch of exposed areas. So silly me kept getting these weird... sensations on the back of my arms (last time this happened was on the Anaheim trip so J and Grace know that I'm crazy delusional). Not once do I blame the hair because I still don't think I've grasped how long it's gotten, which is pretty close to ass-length. (GAH!) Because I have spider-phobia, I immediately think one of two things. Spiders or bugs crawling on me, or dust and chunks from the ceiling falling down on me. Okay, so it was neither. It really was my stupid hair brushing up against the back of my arms every time I shifted even just a little bit.
Like I said.
Dumb. Ass.
*must not think trauma, must think fun! professional! perky! and better-for-interviews!* *nods*
I am in serious twitch mode right now. It's 8:30. I just got in. And I AM TWITCHING! Fuck. All my OCD tendencies which were suppressed months ago... all back out again.
Today is testing day and I can't even go into the lab. It's a huge mental block. Freaking Intern A borrows our equipment even though said equipment is in a setup that shouldn't be touched. And then he doesn't put it back together or at least takes his crap away. And leaves everything dirty. And he's taken up three out of the four lab benches but doesn't leave his tag on any of them so everyone knows who's responsible for the mess. So today I went in there and pushed everything aside into a messy pile to clear off some space for me, even though he KNOWS that's my space every Thursday.
And NOW, he comes in here to bitch at me for moving his stuff and telling me that he doesn't need to leave tags because WE know it's his stuff? WTF! No. Just no. He KNOWS if he doesn't have his stuff labeled, I and everyone else has the right to go in there and throw the stuff out. I don't give a shit how many experiments he's running simultaneously because he's not the only one using that lab and needs to learn how to minimize his space. I can't believe he just bitched that we only run our experiments once a week and don't have the right to complain about him hogging all our space. He ran these experiments with us for almost a month and KNOWS how our setup is a bitch and KNOWS how much space we need when we test. And yes, he's allowed to borrow our equipment, but if he's going to take advantage of our generosity, the least he could do is, if not put our setup back together again, to at least leave the equpiment clean. I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is, waltzing in here after I've been here for two years and fucking up all the lab protocols just because he thinks we like him. He's already seen me yell at the other intern over my designated space and equipment, I don't understand why he thinks it doesn't apply to him.
It's my lab, dammit. MY LAB!
My desk is in this lab. Just because he's running experiments in here doesn't make it HIS lab. And fuck yes, I'm territorial. What kills me -- KILLS ME -- is that his desk is in the OTHER lab -- the lab they JUST RENOVATED -- where no one -- NO ONE -- is using all that fucking bench space. I don't understand why he can't just move his shit over there. It's not like he needs a fucking chemical hood. All he needs are outlets to plug his shit in, and there's a billion of them in the OTHER LAB! Hell, if I could move my setup into the other lab, I would. I'd gladly put everything on a cart and move my ass over there to do my testing. But I can't!
And hell no. He just came back in here and tried to hug me and be all nice and stuff? And then tried to sweet talk me by flirting and making sexual innuendoes? And then trying to guilt trip me by professing his love? NO WAY. NO FUCKING WAY! Bastard. I have special fingers for bastards, dammit. In fact, I've got two of them, reserved special just for them.
It's a damn revolving door. Two regime changes; three restructurings; four different project bosses; three soft end dates supposedly chiseled in stone but erased by sandblasting. Now there's the possibility that the big shiny boot at the end of the month is in need of another month-long polishing. It's not a stoopid revolving door. It's a freaking Ferris wheel that won't let us off.
Right shoulder and entire left side of my back. Makes no sense because it was the right side that rammed (hello, door!) into the door. *hearts seatbelts*
The human body sucks. Need boyfriend for free massages and to hear me whine in person. *sigh*
According to my doctor (*waves at Meg*), I have a pathetic stockpile of drugs at my disposal (Tylenol really didn't work last night)... which will be corrected as soon as my half day is over and I can go raid the pharmacy. Wheee!
There should be a rule about getting phone calls before you're awake. Especially on Sundays. Rudely woken up at 10AM from a text message. Then by a phone call around 11AM from the PoohMom saying she and the PoohDad were five minutes from my apartment and for me to get my butt out of bed so they could take me to lunch. Oy. But then again, free food. So you know... my butt got out of bed pretty damn fast.
Except it hurt to do it. I am sore all over. Didn't notice it yesterday post-accident, except for the hip being twinged a bit from ramming into the car door, but that could have been because we were constantly moving during our dinnner thing. This morning? Sore all over. My shoulders hurt; my upper back hurts; and one of my legs was all stiff and cranky. Ugh. I need a massage. Mmmm.
The PoohParents' idea of a great Sunday morning? Going to visit the opening of the newest Asian supermarket. My parents are dorks, yo. This one wasn't too far from me, and it was supposed to be HUGE, so you know... they were all bouncy and stuff. Dad wasn't as impressed as soon as he got there, 'cuz he kept saying it reminded him of the type of Asian supermarkets they have in Cali, and since he's all wordly and stuff like that... ho hum. (Aw, I heart the PoohDad. lol) BTW, individually packaged frozen fried rice? WTF!?? This one had a cd/movie section so he was in heaven. They're pretty much finished with the assload of movies he brought back from China and they're both twitchy for new stuff now. Heh. Best part of meeting up with the parents on Sunday for these kinds of trips is all the free groceries I get. Sadly, I accidentally left some food in the car when they dropped me off. Oh well.
Parents were also not impressed with my accident story. PoohMom thought the car spinning was eh. And then I got yelled at by the PoohDad for not answering 'we're not sure' or 'someone might be hurt, we don't know' when 911 asked if anyone was hurt so we wouldn't have had to wait an hour for the cops to show up on the scene even though the precinct was only located a few blocks away. Sheesh.
Today (or rather, yesterday) was the longest day EVER.
The Accident:
I've come to the realization that in the event of major accidents, I'm disgustingly calm. Well, okay, my first major car accident, I was behind the wheel and was mostly in shock, but nonetheless, was pretty calm... okay, until the cops showed up and I started bawling like a baby. Whatever. Anyway, today... J picked me up at the train station so we could do a last minute liquor/party supply run before going to Jer's house for our big Cajun dinner J was planning on making for us. Blah blah blah...
Thing2 called me on the cell and I was talking to her for a few minutes when it registered that we were crossing through an intersection and all of a sudden... I hear, pretty simultaneously, "WATCH OUT!" and "OH, SHIT!" And then there was screaming. Like lots of screaming. And even as I calmly continued my conversation with Thing2, it occurred to me that we were spinning... and spinning... and damn, pleasedon'tletthecartipover and then... screeeeeeching to a stop. I don't remember much of what happened in that split second, except for R, J's boyfriend sitting behind her screaming for her to watch out, J swearing, a really loud BOOOOM!, and suddenly there was centripetal motion, my bag went from my lap to the floor, and I was squished up against the front passenger side door. Oh, yeah, and while we were spinning, I think I recall Thing2 asking what was happening, and me telling her rather matter-of-factly that I 'think we just got into an accident.' Some asshole ran a red light, sideswiped us on the driver side (where I was not), and we spun at least one and a half rotations until we were pretty much facing the direction we came from.
J was out of the car so freaking fast, she was a blur. R, too. And dumbass me, was still sitting in the car going 'holy crap' to Thing2 who checked that I was okay and then hung up on me. I think it took me five minutes before I bothered getting out of the car. Shock does wonderful things, yo. Asshole kept insisting we had run a red, but luckily, the two girls in the car behind us were yelling at him that he was at fault. Unfortunately, because the cops took forever to get there, they left. Then Asshole tried to get us to move our cars, wanted us to pull into his driveway (like a few houses down from where he was headed -- seriously, most accidents occur within, what, a few miles from the destination, but this was ridiculous) and sort things out. J went into bitchmode and refused to move her car and refused to let him move his car until the cops arrived. Then the Asshole wanted us to just take care of a money exchange on our own without the cops. J rightly refused. Then Asshole tried to get us to lie to the cops saying the light only just turned and we didn't wait long enough before going into the intersection. Of course, everyone refused that. Then Asshole ran to get his friend, and they were both trying to convince us to leave the police out of it. And finally Asshole demanded that J pay for the damages to his car.
The cops took so long to get there that J called it in, Asshole called it in half an hour later, and still no one came. J called Jer to tell him we'd be late, and what do you know... Jer's house? Freaking at the end of the block we were headed towards! The fuck. He and his friend P ended up walking over to the corner and hung out with us. Still no cops, so P drove to the station to get someone. He found a cop, but the cop told him that that particular corner wasn't in his district so he'd just call it in. Meanwhile, J tried to exchange insurance info, but Asshole refused. Totally sketchy. Eventually, one car came, then fifteen minutes later, another cop car came. And then... a half hour later, we finally heard J's 911 call being patched through the radio. Now that's beyond fucked up. If one of us were hurt badly, we'd be dead by then. *remembers never to have an emergency in Newark*
Anyway, when the first cop got there, Asshole had left his car in the middle of his street and just... left. So of course, the cop was pissed. When Asshole finally came back, he got reamed by the cop. Dumbass. Never leave the accident scene, duh. Hell, I had to pee like a mofo and I still stood out there for the entire hour and a half it took to wait for the cops and take care of everything. Now, here's the bestest part. Cop asked J what happened. Pretty straightforward, especially with two other witnesses in the car. Cop asked Asshole what happened, and he gave the same answer J did only he was alone, and you know, had left the scene to run back to his house. Cop was pretty smart because he didn't believe him at all. Why? Evidence, dammit. He sideswiped the backend of J's car, which meant we had a full green and were already in the intersection when he ran his red. The back of the car was shifted, the trunk wouldn't close, the bumper was half off, and the driver side back axel was bent so the tire was tilted at a 45 degree angle. Amazingly enough, the tire was still inflated. Good tires, dude.
Cop immediately asked for all the paperwork, etc. and asked if the guy had been drinking. The guy was way too slow in lying, and the cop said he could smell a faint trace of alcohol on the guy (dude, at 2PM on a Saturday? that's sad) but who knows if the guy ran home to brush his teeth and pop some gum before the cops came. And then... cop asked Asshole if he was an illegal immigrant because his license wasn't checking out. Asshole actually said yes. Cop asked again, just to be sure, and the Asshole said yes, again. So you know... Asshole was asked to get in the back of the patrol car. Then there was something about a fake license issued in a different state, the car registered in an entirely different state, and the insurance from another third state. WTF. No wonder he was so eager to leave the police out of it.
Anyway... J's car got towed. R had a split lip. JJ was just shaken up and had a sore shoulder from tensing up. I was perfectly fine, except for my hands shaking like crazy when I was texting Thing1 and a whole bunch of ther people while we were waiting for everything to wrap up. Never ever want to do that again, although now I can cross off 'sitting in a spinning car' from my list of Things To Do Once. What's totally ridiculous is 1) we were literally at the other end of Jer's block, and 2) five minutes before the accident, while J was showing me just how sucky Newark traffic really is, I was thanking god that I had decided to take the train in instead of driving myself.
My Morning:
Saturday was Thing2's bday. I spent Friday night at her place because I was asked to drive her and two roommates to the airport for their spring break trip to Punta Canta. We didn't get to bed until 2AM, woke up at 5AM, and were out the door by 5:30AM. Her flight didn't leave until 7:30AM. The entire phone call in the car during the accident was about HER day, which was equally as sucky. Apparently, the flight before hers was short-staffed so they pulled an attendant from her flight, leaving her flight short-staffed. They couldn't find any other attendants, and finally managed to pull one from her break, but they needed to wait for her to wake up and shower and change and get back to the airport. So they didn't take off until 10:30AM, which meant they didn't get to their layover in Charlotte until after noon, right when their connecting flight took off. Everything was booked solid. The four girls in line ahead of them got the last seats to Punta Canta. The airline couldn't rebook them until tomorrow, there were no guarantees that they could get on a flight from Charlotte to PC the next day, and then couldn't find them any other airline. So... they were placed first class back to Philly, with a free night at the Ramada, with a nonstop flight to PC tomorrow. *head spins*
They were so pissed because that's a day lost, so they made the airline postpone their return flight for a day and have decided to make up that lost day at the backend of their trip. Ugh. Anyway, she was just getting ready to board her flight to Philly when she called me. What upset me was that I only got three hours of sleep the night before, and after I dropped them off, couldn't fall asleep until one hour before I had to catch the train to meet up with J. I was and still am way too exhausted for the amount of excitement we had today.
So Of Course We Drank:
Walked over to Jer's. R made appletinis - strong, very strong. I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before, a 1 hour nap before I got to Newark, the accident, and also hadn't eaten at all the entire day. So it was already close to 4PM by the time we started cooking. I was way too keyed up and tired and hungry, and one-third a small plastic cup of appletini and I was already tipsy and leaning against the kitchen counter like my life depended on it.
We ate. We ate well. It was a delicious dinner, only slightly tainted by the accident. I had only one appletini and a mini-Heinekin or however you spell it and two bottles of water, and I still have a raging headache. Then, tell me why after dinner, the only two girls there ended up being the ones to clean up while most of the guys sat on the sofa and fell asleep. Grrr. Our ride, P who had the only other car available, drank too much and slept like a log. J tried to wake him but couldn't, then had to go do some more cleaning. She told me to try to wake him, but you know... after a couple of nudges and some shaking... it was hopeless. Besides, I only first met him a few hours before so I couldn't attempt anything else. It's too bad I didn't know him that well because there are easier and faster ways to wake up a guy... or so I've read and seen on TV 'cuz I'm a good girl and TV/books rot your mind. Uh huh. Cabs ended up being a no go. The first place we called said we had to wait about 15 minutes. When they didn't show up 30 minutes later, another call told us that they didn't have any cars going in our direction but they could keep trying if we'd like them to. Um, WTF? The second place sent a cab... that stopped for a minute outside... then drove off. WTF, again! Finally, Jer gave up and filched P's car keys and drove us to the train station. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, we think.
And in the one good thing to happen to me all day... as soon as we got to the train station, my train was pulling in, so I got to hop on right away. Yay!
Longest. Fucking. Day. Of my life. I never want to relive that again. And now, almost 24 hours after I started it, I'm finally going to be able to sleep in and relax. Thank god.
Just a little something I did for this week's episode. Except for a few random laugh-out-loud moments, it was a pretty decent episode. Something to ground the show after last week's suck and Sark-waste-age.
Alias 4.10: The Index
~ HQ: Sydney walks down the hall to see Vaughn in a sekrit meeting with Sloane, and knows something is up because OMG THEY'RE BOTH EVIL. [That's a freebie S1 spec I just pulled out of my ass again. You're welcome. *pets spec*] Then she interrupts Weiss and Nadia arguing over why Nadia doesn't want to celebrate her birthday. Nadia's got a good reason: no one knew her real birthday so the nuns at the orphanage just picked a date out of their habit. [I kinda like this convenient method of birthing. I think my birthday will be... next week. Buy me prezzies, dammit.] Weiss says it's the 'day after tomorrow.' [Coinky-dink! Happy Birthday, sweetie! That one went out to Thing2, who will be 23 (shit, I'm old)... and any other equally pesky people (you know who you are) who are having their birthdays the 'day after tomorrow.']
Sydney: "We could go bowling and rent some lanes." Weiss: "We've been through bowling."
No kidding. Weiss and Nadia must be completely bowled out 'cuz they did it for two episodes straight. Now that's some hardcore bowling, yo. *am impressed* Other suggestions: go-karts, bar-hopping, and a 'raging house party.' And then Weiss emphasizes the 'raging' part by doing this dorky dance thing that... he should never do again. And WTF with the bday suggestions? They are sooooooo lame. Nadia doesn't want to take them up on any of their suggestions because she's pretty sure Daddy!Sloane warned her not to throw any parties while he was out of town and if she gets caught, she'll be grounded for the rest of her life. Marshall, wanting to sit at the lunch table with all the cool kids, immediately joins the conversation and is all for a party, going as far as volunteering his services. As a DJ. Nadia insists there's no party.... YET... because this show totally believes in torturing us the characters and what better way than subjecting us them to a birthday party.
~ Continuity Shocker: Holy crap! The Alliance?! Didn't they exist back when this show used to, you know, not suck? Next thing you know, Sloane's going to head up a twisted version of SD-6. Oh, wait... I'm getting a headache from the whirlwind of S1/S2 plot-points/names/concepts being spit out at us again; it's like playing a bizarro game of This Is Your Life. Next thing you know, we're going to be hearing all about Daddy!Vaughn and his broken watch again.
Weiss: "Blackwell? What is this a worst dressed list?"
Shit. I was just about to make that exact snark and Weiss beat me to it. It's not even a good snark, which means that I'm losing my touch. *am scared* Luckily, instead of a thumbnail index of Celebrity Oscar Dresses Gone Wild, it's really just a master blackmail list coded into a mobile terminal. How incredibly... geeky. The fact that a Master list exists is a bit upsetting. What's the fun of blackmailing someone if all the juicy bits are handed right to you? Part of the fun is finding the juicy stuff yourself -- it's all about the personal touch, baby. On-screen, the Blackwell Index swirl looks a bit like my screensaver. Coooool. Marshall geeks out over the 4096-bit encryption and is happy. (Geek!) Sydney makes a face, like '*yawn, who the heck cares about this now.' So Sloane returns her stinkeye to let him finish the damn briefing before she starts whining about her job, and the proceeds to TELL us with corresponding action-y flashbacks to illustrate his anecdote of the Index being stolen. See? Not so boring, and something they should have done last week when they were too lazy and cheap to give us anything other than a static shot of Sloane and Sark staring at each other and then looking at a folder filled with either 1) pictures of bad things done to bad people, or 2) a grocery list. Dixon interrupts Sloane, mainly because he's gotta get his one line of the episode in. Blahblahblah. The French authorities managed to confiscate the Blackwell Decoder Ring. French bastards! Jack believes the smartest thing to do is concentrate on finding the decoder instead of going after the Alliance directly, which involves a Get Syd Arrested mission, and I'm already scared because she can never just complete a mission in a straightforward manner and everything has to be a freaking theatrical SHOW.
Dixon sits at a computer and checks up on Sloane. Right in the open. At work. Which is kinda like me reading boyfriend-smut-fics at work while the Boss is trying to have a meeting with me, so I guess I can't judge his sekritspyskillz. Syd catches up with Vaughn as he heads for the elevators. Sloane's approved his trip which means, if we're lucky, he'll be on his trip for the rest of the episode and we won't have to deal with anvils. Syd and Vaughn talk talk talk and OMG! Vaughn mentioned Daddy!Vaughn! 50 bucks says he'll mention a journal and a broken watch next. Instead he shmoops about his dad dying - and apparently in this season, Daddy!Vaughn kicked it years after he originally did in S1, but who cares about timeline continuity because it's S4 and who's still watching from S1... oh, right. There's something about a dying uncle, but nothing about a watch or a journal. I'm a bit disappointed because now is not the time to buck the tradition, dammit! There's kissing and then he leaves, looking pretty damn happy about doing so. Me, too. Bye, Vaughn.
~ Warehouse of SupaDoubleAgents: They still have this set? Wasn't it blown up after Phase One? *am confused* Dixon takes Syd to TheCageOfSekritLust, only Dixon's old enough to be her father and this is purely platonic. I hope. He's been keeping watch on Sloane and now has Stuff to share. And OMG! It's Murdoc! MURDOC! He's alive!!!! Wait until MacGyver finds out. Looks like Sloane's been keeping close contact with Murdoc, which can only mean one thing - he's in cahoots with Murdoc to use the Index to finally kill MacGyver take over the world. Dixon gets all melodramatic and refuses to let Sloane take advantage of them and turn them into his new SD-6 (see?). Way too much drama, dude. Tone it down a bit (is it Emmy nom'ing season?) If he ends up standing on a bridge, please jump this time. Sydney just hmmms through this, which is probably a better friend reaction than my eye roll.
~ Principal's Office: Chase smacks Dixon for illegally tapping Sloane. (And I mean just that.) Dixon is totally losing it because Chase has a rational explanation for each of his Anti-Sloane points. After the smackdown, Dixon feels defeated until Syd comes to the rescue (of course). And for once, Syd thinks he should let it go. Odd. It's like Pod!Syd. Dixon begs for her help, which is just so unbecoming because we all know her track record and this is just a lame attempt by TPTB to bring back the DoubleAgentConcept which worked so incredibly well in S1 before they stoopidly pooped all over it in S2.
~ Vaughn Family Reunion: Vaughn watches his uncle. Nurse mistakes Vaughn for 'Bill.' And hello, Daddy!Vaughn is totally still alive, and we all called that in S1!! Nurse also looks kinda sketchy, but that's only because she's not a real nurse, which we all know because we watch TV shows other than this one.
~ HQ: Sloane and Weiss walk and talk. Wait, Weiss does analysis? Huh. Sloane tells Weiss to keep Nadia up to date, and Weiss misunderstands him because he tells Sloane that he took care of that last night. The verbal mistake let's Sloane play Protective!Daddy. Before Sloane can reach for a shotgun and shovel, Weiss starts backpedaling so freaking fast, there's smoke trails between him and Sloane. Lucky for him, Sloane is only amused, and tells him to impress him with his report. lmfao. Jack and Sloane confab and there is codespeak. THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOO EVIL. (Called that in S1, too. So neener!)
~ Cage Match, Part 2: I'm really going to hate this Cage, aren't I?
Sydney: "I used to meet Vaughn like this when he was my handler at SD-6." [When Vaughn was at SD-6? Or am I just nitpicking on grammar?] Dixon: "Must have been romantic."
LMFAO! Dude. Dixon totally gave an eyeroll. (You all saw it!) And then Syd starts with the girlie girl smiling/blushing and I find myself digging into the pile of crap at the back of my closet, searching for that S1-tested/S2-passed HazmatAnvilSuit. Syd pulls out a micro-cd burner and details the plan to copy the decoder and hand off the bad version to Sloane. Dixon's in awe, finally realizing how hard it was for Syd to be a double agent back in S1, when this show was good. And yeah... bizzaro world, because Syd can barely do her own job and should be the last person handling anyone else.
Syd: "It's just that things are a little different now. He's her father."
She says it, forgetting that Sloane was Nadia's father last week, too. You know, when she didn't give a rat's ass about pesky things like parentage because OMG! He.Does.Evil.Things! But now it's all hunky dory. Whatever.
~ Paris: Stock footage from the Syd/Sark mission of seasons past. Syd, in her Pick-Up-Stix (tm Jenai) outfit, starts spray painting a hot pink message of lurrrrve on a shiny black SUV. Weiss barges over, yelling in the nastiest French heard this side of Vaughn's crappy Russian. You'd think actors could, I don't know, practice first before putting it on film? Sorry, just thinking out loud. All the shitty French catches the attention of a police officer, who arrests Syd for having an icky disguise but unfortunately doesn't arrest Weiss for butchering his language. See? Nothing's ever simple with Syd.
[OT: Oooh! Tim Daly! He so hawt and kewt and adorkable!]
~ A Room: Syd's got her legs propped up on the table, and if the punk hair didn't tell you she was supposed to be a badass, then the fishnet stockings took care of that. Dixon waltzes in wearing a 3-piece suit - OMG! he's on an actual real op! - and they start their song and dance of make-believe. With Vaughn away on family business, it looks like it's Nadia's turn in the BitchVan. She takes care of all the techy stuff, and you know she's really good at it because it normally takes two Extraneous!Spies (in the form of Vaughn and Dixon) to do what she's doing. Dixon tranqs the guard and Syd runs to find the decoder. Nadia watches Syd be all sketchy-like on the monitor, and seriously, she's being so freaking obvious about it, it's only a wonder why Nadia didn't just call her on it. Out of spycam range, Syd duplicates the disc. As expected, she's interrupted by another guard because this is Alias and she can't ever not get almost caught on every single mission. They immediately go to Plan B, which involves Syd running very unlady-like down the hall in her mini skirt. Damn. Could her legs get any farther apart? Yeesh. She runs onto the roof and Neo!Syd jumps and grabs onto the helicopter that happens to show up just then. Wait... is that Weiss flying the thing? Are they S1-ifying Weiss the same way they suddenly morphed DeskJockey!Vaughn into SupaFieldAgentWithMadSpySkilz!Vaughn back in S1/S2? This show makes even my disbelief-suspension whimper.
~ Back at HQ: So far, no one's the wiser about the decoder switcheroo. *am disappointed in Genius!Marshall* Syd thinks Sloane's being all peachy with following protocols, but Dixon insists that Sloane is up to something. He's been tapping Sloane again and the SekritEvilSloane activities have increased since they brought back the decoder. The sheer quantity of desperation oozing from Dixon, as he tries to get Syd on his side is kinda... gross. But how else is he going to get Syd to actually go over to Sloane's House of Evil and steal the encryption key for his top secret phone line? That's Sloane's cue to appear, and why is this sexy sexy sexy sexy man wearing birth-control-glasses? (I miss the fashion template that was Sloane from S1. *sob*)
~ Office of Bitchsmacking: Syd gets scolded for almost ruining another op, but she's prepared with her lame excuses. Something about how the decoder was misplaced and she had to search the rest of the inventory, even though she went directly to the correct locker, stayed there for a year while palming the thing, then ignored all the rest of the lockers, ie. "inventory," and beelined it out of camera range. Dude, with video proof out there, she could have come up with a better lie. Sorry, I get anally picky sometimes. Deal. Sloane, thinking the same thing as me, calls her on it. And Syd, to her credit, manages to hold her bitchface in place and doesn't flinch. Although, to be fair, it's like one of three expressions she has, so she ought to be really good at it. But Sloane's not a tard, and knows something's up.
Sloane: "Perhaps I shouldn't. But I expect better from you."
Oooh. Burn, baby, BURN. lmfao. Syd knows it, too, because she finally decides that she'll help Dixon screw over Sloane. She takes advantage of Sloane's daddy instincts and informs him of Nadia's birthday. And you've got to feel really bad for Sloane because he honestly didn't know about the birthday and goes so far as to ask Syd for advice on what he should do. Awwww. *hearts Sloane's sincere attempts at being a good daddy* *hates that bitch Syd for using that against him* Hate!
~ Is This Even a Real Hospital: Vaughn does what he does best - sits on his ass and does nothing. NurseFaker comes in and does some nurse-y things while talking to Vaughn. Vaughn mentions Daddy!Vaughn's death. FakeNurse keeps the subject on Daddy!Vaughn. Dear god, the Daddy!Vaughn anvils are getting to be a bit too much. FakeNurse suddenly remembers that the uncle was keeping something for Daddy!Vaughn (dun dun DUN!) for when he came back. (Again, something that should have happened FOUR YEARS AGO.) She opens a drawer and... eeeee! is that a journal I see in there?! But no, it's just an envelope with a key inside. DUN DUN DUN!
~ Stupid Sister Things: Syd makes a big show of being ultra-secretive about putting some gadget in her purse. Don't people close their doors anymore? Of course not, because Nadia walks right in and mushes about a necklace and about the party and how wonderful Syd is even though we all know she's so incredibly not. Nadia's obliviousness is odd. As far as I know, sisters normally believe each other Evil Beyotches and Up To No Good until proven otherwise - at least in my family.
~ The Most Pathetic Family Dinner Evah: Interesting to see who Sloane invited for Nadia's birthday dinner. Syd, Jack, and Weiss. I'd probably take one look at the pathetic invite list, grab a bottle of Goose, and go celebrate by myself. Weiss is drinking and talking, never a good thing. There's something about how crazy Syd was in Paris, which segues into talk about getting a hybrid car, and hello, random.
Weiss: "What do you think, Arvin?"
Oh, man. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, no, he didn't. Sloane gives him The Look. Jack gives the 'oh, fuck' look. Nadia looks uncomfortable. Weiss's look is priceless. And I am LaughingMyFuckingAssOFF. Why am I not surprised that Weiss doesn't give good parent? Jack, bless his heart, breaks the awkwardness by giving a longwinded 'yes, get the damn car.' And then everyone is happy. Sloane stands up to give a toast. Something about the Chinese and a saying: "One joy shatters a thousand griefs." I'm not familiar with that saying in its English form, or maybe I'm still trying to find that 'one joy' that will shatter the inexplicable hold this show still has over me. Sloane blames Nadia for coming into his life and changing him. I blame her, too, because Sloane used to be more of a kickass evil bastard in S1. Before Syd can vomit at the Daddy!Anvils, Dixon calls as 'Vaughn,' giving her an excuse to leave the table and sneak into Sloane's office. You know... I'm pretty sure I've seen this episode before. *searches for Will under the dining room table* There's stuff about Sloane wanting to give Nadia something or other, but it's Nadia who catches Syd doing bad things in Sloane's office. But the birthday cake's ready, so whatever. Let's eat. See, Nadia, if you start off knowing your sister is the world's evilest wh0re, things like this don't ever shock or disappoint you. (I know it's saved me a lot of grief with my own sibs.)
Weiss brings out the cake. Chocolate everything! He's officially the bestest dorkiest boyfriend evah! And he even made sure no one would sing, which... you know, thank god. Nadia makes a wish (probably for a new and better sister-friend) and blows out the candles. Weiss immediately calls for a speech, and I'd like to know wtf that's all about. Why does there always have to be a speech, dammit.
Nadia: "I've never celebrated anything with family before. [Looks at her 'family.' Am sad for her.] .... Now I see what I've been missing all these years. The chance to know my family for the kind of people they really are."
BURN!!! Oh god. Make it stop. Laughing this much makes my sides hurt. Sloane agrees with her, because he knows Syd sucks, too. And I am still laughing as Syd tries to smile through it all and takes a delicate sip from her glass. Dude, after that burn, I'm surprised she didn't burst out in tears begging for forgiveness. If there were any doubts as to Nadia's parentage, the fact that both she and Sloane bitchsmacked the crap out of Syd in this one episode pretty much solidifies her relationship with Sloane. Love it.
~ Not a Happy Home: Nadia bitches out Syd as soon as they get home. She's still pretty perky and reasonable about Syd using her. Where's the slapping and hitting and spitting and hair pulling? (Oh, sorry, Pooh Family Methods probably don't apply here since they're both trying to be adult about it.)
Sydney: "Nadia, I was trying to prove that he's innocent."
And she even said it with a straight face. Ha! Nadia actually stops to think about the possible validity of this reveal, which makes me lose respect for her because Syd so clearly has her 'lying' face on. Dixon shows up at the door, and before he can pull his 'I'm just a spy on a walk and in the neighborhood' spiel, Nadia lets him know that she knows that he and Syd suck at the double agent thing. Dixon gives and 'aw, crap' look and thankfully we go to commercial. Is this episode over yet? Where's Vaughn, dammit.
~ Vaughn! The key obviously came with instructions because Vaughn's at the bus terminal, checking out lockers. And HOLY CRAP! It's a JOURNAL! *misses the Daddy!Vaughn Journal* (Speaking of which, whatever happened to the Daddy!Vaughn!Journal!Blog? Hee!)
~ Principal's Office, Revisted: Dixon watches silently as Chase listens to the decrypted phone messages incriminating Sloane. He suppresses the 'I told you so' glee, but you know it's there, along with a 'in yo face, ha!' Instead, he tells Chase about their op to get Sloane.
~ Daddy Moment: Sloane returns Nadia's scarf, mentions something about the Sister!Tension and then says he's going to Brussels. *yawn*
~ Last Op of the Ep: More Sister!Tension in the car as Syd and Nadia wait to tail Sloane. This time it's Chase and Dixon in the Van O'ExtraneousSpies. Segue to Murdoc (or whatever his name is) showing off the swirly Blackwell Index to some random bad guys. In what's supposed to be a big ol' twisty fake out (only not, cuz we're not stupid, yo), Chase&Co follow Sloane to a warehouse and surround it while Someone walks into the Murdoc/Alliance meeting. Chase, Dixon, and Syd move to enter the warehouse. This is where I digress and ask, in all seriousness, why... WHY... when there's three of them running into the building, WHY do we get a ten minute shot of just Syd running? Unless it's meant to be a joke, because god knows watching her run is always the funniest thing ever.
~ D'OH! They bust into the warehouse with guns ready only to find... Sloane doing surveillance. DUMB! The real meeting is occurring in another warehouse and in TV's biggest shocking twist ever, it's actually JACK who's doing the dirty work.
Sydney: "You sent my father to do your dirty work."
That's what I just said, bitch. Sloane explains that he had to bait the Alliance dudes out into the open so he could ID all of them. Jack, who doesn't trust Sloane anymore than Dixon does but at least is slicker and more subtle about the way he goes about gathering evidence, insisted on being part of Sloane's dastardly plans. Syd freaks out because she screwed over her own father instead of Sloane, and they all watch as Murdoc figures out that he's been had and pistol whips Jack. Murdoc ties up Jack (get in line, dude) and wants to know Sloane's location. He's not impressed by Jack's macho crap, and beats him up some more... until Nadia runs her pretty car straight into the building (no scratches on the paint job, either), pulls the car into a swerve and kills everyone but Jack (didn't we see this move before?). Nadia saves Jack, and I'm pretty sure this is another burn because Syd's obviously not happy about the fact that Nadia's a better person than her and doesn't let stupid things like parental evilness prejudice her from doing her job. Awww. It's like an afterschool special with a cheesy message all wrapped up at the end. As soon as I figure out what that message is, I'll let you know.
~ Where Vaughn Kills His Uncle Dead Already So He Can Leave The Hospital And Go Back To Work: Only not. Because there's gotta be more leftover S1 secrets to discover. Vaughn harasses his comatose uncle, wanting to know why Daddy!Vaughn was still writing in his diary in 1982 when he allegedly died in 1979. And because that's coincidentally the birth years of Thing 2 and Thing 1, I'm gonna claim that as a shout out, cuz I'm a dork like that and if I don't make fun of it somehow, the warped Alias timeline will make my head explode.
Vaughn: "Is he alive?"
Duh. Daddy!Vaughn's been kicking it back and living the high life in the Caribbeans with Dixon's nonexistent brother.
A different nurse interrupts Vaughn's interrogation of his unresponsive uncle. Because he's not getting anything useful out of the coma patient, he asks to see the other nurse. Only... and in the second biggest twist of this episode... there is no nurse by that name! Omg. *am shocked* (Here's my spec, and I give it for free: Daddy!Vaughn is definitely still alive. He had a sex change operation, made himself younger with a Rambaldi device, and turned himself into Nurse Rosemary, who's been coming in and checking on Uncle David over the years and just happened to be there to intercept Vaughn with all the shocking new Daddy!Vaughn revelations. *nods* Just watch.)
~ Walk and Talk: Chase and Dixon do some of that. She gives reads him the riot act about attempting further mutinous acts, and informs him that neither she nor Sloane will pursue discliplinary actions now.
Chase: "You're an asset to this team."
Huh? Did I miss an episode (outside of this one) where Dixon did something besides sit his ass in the HoYay!Van and diddle with support gadgety buttons and stuff? Then again, I'm still trying to figure out what qualifies Weiss to be on this super sekrit spy team. Chase tells him to call her for anything, within reason. And Dixon beams because he's soooo going to get teh sex later. There is a bit of eye-fuckage and flirty smiles, and Chase leaves to prepare for a wild night of Dixon passion. (You know you saw it, too.) Syd intercepts him and blah blah blah, apparently it's not over. Nope. It's only just beginning!
~ The Other Phone Sex: Sloane plays with the decoder and the swirly Index. Then he picks up a phone and calls his lover Jack. He tells Jack that It is working. Jack, still being professional because they're at work and he knows how to separate business from pleasure, asks if It has what they need. Because Sloane's away from prying eyes, responds in the world's breathiest voice ever: "Oh, yes... and more." And I'm not sure, but... I think he just had a spy!orgasm right there. Dude. That was the weirdest phone sex call ever that I've listened in on.
Next week: Shit happens and Jack gets beaten up.
So this week's ep? Well, it didn't suck like last week's. And I'd like to say that the return of the Daddy!Vaughn plot is a case of too little, too late, but hell, if it gives Vaughn something to do other than shmoop around, then I'm all for it.
GRRRR. Hate blog. Loads very slowly. Or is it just my connection?
GRRRR. Hate taggy. Hasn't worked in years.
GRRRR. Hate moments of insanity. Like jumping up, thinking I forgot to hit the start button for the timer, yelling "SHIT!" really loud, running across the lab and hitting the button, sighing big relief-y sigh, and then realizing... DUMBASS! We didn't start a new test yet. Yeeeeeeeeesh.
But yay! No Philly trip tomorrow because I remembered that I have to go to a dinner thingy and wouldn't be able to stay in Philly all day anyway.
Know what's scary? Waking up to find the entire ground covered in an inch-thick of ice. Completely covered. I had to walk on the snow to avoid slipping. Then I had to warm up the car for an extra ten minutes in the hopes of melting the snow behind the car. And then there was the awful dreadful feeling of not wanting to actually pull out of the parking spot after hearing and seeing some other poor bastard a couple of spots away back out of his spot, drive a bit, and then get stuck in the middle of the parking lot, just helplessly spinning his wheels. So that made me get out of the car and use my boot to chip at the ice behind all four wheels. By the time I was ready to drive, the poor bastard gave up, put his car in neutral, and pushed his car back into his space. Ouch.
Know what's really frightening? Driving down the ice-covered road that runs through the apartment complex, only to have some asshole pull out of his street parking spot RIGHT when I was driving by. Did you know how incredibly difficult it is to pull a hard stop on ice? There's nothing more heart attack-inducing than hearing AND feeling the ABS kick in, the wheels spin and lock, and desperately attempt to grip at... nothing. You end up hydroplaning. I'm pretty sure I had a massive heart attack and stroke just then. And what does the bastard do? He stops. Waits until I've finally stopped skidding. And then squeezes through. FUCKING JACKASS. My finger and my horn apparently didn't scare him enough. I need a rocket launcher.
Know what pisses me off? That all of this happened around 9 in the morning. NINE! The fucking super and maintenance crew did NOTHING. If it were 6AM, it would be forgivable, but at NINE, I expect them to have at least salted the ice. Fucking ridiculous! And what made their laziness even more glaring was the fact that the other apartment complex that shares the road with us - the complex I have to pass in order to actually get on the main road? - had already salted, shoveled, and picked their ice, leaving just a light layer of slush on their end of the road. ARGHHHH!!!!!
Know what's upsetting? Getting to work - FINALLY - to find that the fridge in the lab - the one right by my desk - broke sometime after I left on Monday. We use that fridge to store tissue and any trash from tissue experiments. Broken meant a really awful stink in the lab that three bottles of disinfectant and air freshener could not mask. And then they asked us to clean it out. WTF! WHATTHEFUCK! First, I'm happy to clean it, in fact, insist on it, since it's pretty much in my office, but... Second, THEY had ALL FUCKING DAY ON TUESDAY to clean it out themselves instead of just complaining and bitching about it and waiting for us. Third, there's like a million other interns there that should be doing grunt work like that. Fourth, WHO THE FUCK PUT A FISH STEAK IN THERE?!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD! J and I gowned up, lab coated on, gloved up, masked up, armed ourselves with bottles of spray disinfectant and air freshener, a garbage bag and soap, water, and sponges... then, and ONLY then, did we go in there and scrub that thing clean. Even with the cleaning and emptying it, it still stinks like a mofo in the lab. Ugh. And today we got fresh tissue and tomorrow we have tissue experiments, and we have no fridge to keep everything fresh. So our new tissue is under my desk in an ice chest filled with ice and dry ice. If that shit is stinkier tomorrow, I'm leaving early. No fucking way they pay me enough to deal with that.
And here's something that's pretty messed up. We were given our walking papers for the end of this month. That's fine. So the idea would be to start wrapping things up, finishing reports, getting all the data in order to be passed down. We stopped testing so we could do that. Only now they want us to start testing again (tomorrow), and they want us to go back to Philly (Friday) on the day we normally do our analysis. That means everything keeps getting pushed back, and exactly when are we supposed to wrap things up and hand them off? Not that I care. I'm perfectly happy leaving all the data on the computer and the digicam and just walking away and laughing my ass off as they try to figure out how to do everything. Pffft.
And if my day couldn't get any better... there's supposed to be another snow/ice storm. Isn't it supposed to be Spring like soon? Sheesh.
To welcome the server coming back online after a whole day of being screwy... I've finally finished and posted the McKay vid that had been sitting in limbo on the hard drive, mocking me and kicking my ass. Most of the problem had to do with my not entirely loving the song for him, and also because while I love McKay, I just wasn't feeling it. Oh well. What's done is done, and now I can move on. Now if only I could finish that S/W vid that's also been kicking my ass. Sigh.
Hmm. I wonder if this Premiere disc will install correctly....
Yesterday there was sunshine and warmth and shorts and tank tops. Today there is cold and snow and sleet and lots and lots of hail.
The snow/hail mix is more granular and powdery than anything, but it was raining all morning before that so now there's a fine layer of ice and slush under everything. And it's not stopping. Grrrr. Wet snow is ick.
Made my big post office run in the muck. So anyone getting a package or bill payment or whatever from me better LOVE whatever you get. *coughStephcough* You should be getting that Cupid package in a few days. Half an hour outside and I almost kill myself. Not to mention practically burning my mouth and throat on the hot chocolate I purchased at the student center. And whoeverthefuck came up with the traffic circle and jughandle should be pimpslapped within an inch of their lives. 'Cuz navigating those when it's slippery outside? SCARY!
I was going to do a snarky thing about tonight's 24. Sadly, I did not tape and do not plan on downloading, so this short ditty is all from the top of my head.
24
~ I'm glad Erin's gone. Booooorrrrring and stooooopid plot with the daughter. I remember when she used to kick ass on Nikita. What happened? ~ Curtis. S.T.F.U! But who can blame him for being a whiney ass, right? Tony IS sexier, hotter, smarter, and more badass than he'll ever be. ~ Edgar really really really really needs to stop mumbling! ~ Where's Chloe, dammit? Hell, I'll even take a whining Kim over the CTU people there now. ~ Sarah. Bleh. Please get more than one expression and learn not to speak in monotone. Thank you. ~ Goddamn. What is it with EMPs?! It's becoming the frickin' cure-all for all electronic problems in about a million different shows this season. ~ Why is LongFace still alive? Why can't she take Paul with her? ~ Tony/Kiefer IM'ing! lmfao. Soooooo silly. But at least they weren't screaming at each other in caps like Jack/Irina on Alias. (Now they need some webcams. Rowr!) ~ And WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Michelle!!!! MICHELLE!!!! Now they can get my OTP back together again! YAY!
Wonderful gorgeous weather today. High 50s! That's like tank tops and shorts weather. Rowr! (Let's just ignore the snowstorm that's supposed to hit on Friday. Bah.) In honor of the magnificent weather, it was only right that today's half day at work got cut even shorter. Hee. Whatever. I deserved it. We had a 2 hour data review meeting where 'my old boss two bosses removed but now my new boss again due to restructuring' kept questioning why our progress kept backtracking when she was the one who kept requesting all these weird experimental tangents for us to do. Hrmph. Beyotch. Anyway. 2 hour meeting, really warm beautiful weather, meant we left at noon instead of 1 or 2. That would be... a whole 3 hours of work. Ha! For some reason, that CMSU. But, I was productive. Took the extra time to go buy Thing2's birthday gift, even though my real gift to her is waking up at 4AM on Saturday to drive her and the roomies to the airport so they can start spring break. Bleh.
And now... I am off to enjoy the lovely spring weather... maybe I'll go sit by a window or something...
I don't think I can feel my legs anymore. Just thought you'd all like to know. Sitting with Harold in my lap for hours at a time is probably not a good thing. Oh well.
I'm sleepy. I think I'm still slightly hungover from yesterday's Girls' Night. Went to see Hitch - the first "adult" movie we've seen during one of these Nights. For some reason, we've had a streak of animated movies for forever. And drinks. We had drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. And steak. Which is not good because I really need to start working out again. Blah. Think if I joined a gym, the fact that I'm actually paying for it would force me to get my big butt on a treadmill or something? Hmmm.
Too bad the big work boot is looming. End of this month, I'm thinking. The boot is pretty much spit-polished to a blinding glare and rarin' to go. Therefore, I think I need to really get my shit together. Or win the lottery. Whichever one is easier, probably. *sigh*
Look. I'm not a week behind anymore. I never think these things are that funny, and ever since I fell out of lust with the show, I keep thinking I'm getting more bitter and meaner than funnier. Oh well. Does anyone really care? Didn't think so.
Alias: 4.9 A Man of His Word
~ Previouslies: There was Sark. There was Anna. Shit happened.
~ Hospital: I guess Syd finally stopped crying and remembered to call for help in the last episode because Sloane rushes into the hospital to find Nadia in a medically-induced coma. Syd fills him in and apologizes to him. Finally, a Syd/Sloane scene where she's not all pissy and annoying. Sloane's cell rings before Syd has an opportunity to cry... or remember who she's talking to and throws a tantrum.
~ Wait - Wasn't The Last Ep Good? WTF Happened Here: Elevator doors open to start the slo-mo HannibalLector!Dolly of non-suspense. It's almost like they didn't have enough 40-odd minutes of actual show to fill the time slot so they just dragged out this particular scene to pick up the slack. What other reason could there be? Because Sark looks ridiculous with that bag over his head. Generic!Agent slips the bag off Sark's head and we get Sark vs. Sloane, Round 2 or 3 or who cares.
"This is ... classic." Except not so much because Sark looks kinda soft now and Sloane looks silly with every passing episode. I miss Season 1 and 2. *sniffle*
Because Sydney's probably still at the hospital standing watch over Nadia, it's up to Dixon to pick up the whining slack over at HQ. Whine whine Sloane's not supposed to play with Sark /whine /whine. Jack brats back that Sark will only deal with an intellectual equal. So given how smartly TPTB are writing the characters this season (and last and the year before...), Dixon and Jack run off to find some random guy off the street. While they're trying to find Sark's equal, Sloane decides to start the interrogation. Since this is Season 4 and everyone's lost track of the backstory, Sark does the audience a favor by recapping this season's history of SD-6. Sark and Sloane look like they're phoning in this scene and it's so boring, I can't even work up the effort to try to HoYay-ify it.
Sark informs Sloane that he can work over some guy named Sanka or other. Wait. Sanka? Like the dude from Cool Runnings? Or the guy who makes the coffee? Sloane hands over a folder of pictures we can't see, and instead of showing us all the great stuff that supposedly happened between the last ep and this one, he tells us. Boooooorrrrrriiiiing! And not only is the story boring, but we don't even get to see the pictures. I want blood! I want guts! I want explosions and kablooeys and action and fun stuff and everything this show stopped being a million years ago. From Sloane's cryptic and vague threats and Sark's emotionless face-acting, we're supposed to assume that the pictures are BAD. Except who cares. Sark promises to help them infiltrate CRF because he's such a great guy, and apparently, prison has taught him what it means to honor his own word. WTF? Stupid. Sloane seems to think this is entirely plausible, and then gives in to Sark's demand to see Lauren's body. Then seeing how Sloane's his bitch and will give him whatever he wants, Sark demands 'something else.'
Syd and Vaughn steal a Sorkin walk-and-talk while chatting about Anna, Sark, and the Bomb. Vaughn will do whatever go get Sark to help them bring down CRF but Syd is all paranoid and stuff. Jack interrupts them to tell them the good news. Sark will help them, but for a price.
"He has, however, made a demand ... which involves you." Weeeeeeeeeeeee! *anticipates Vaughn/Sark HoYay!*
Sadly, Sark just wants to exhume Lauren's body. Gross. *am very disappointed at no canon HoYay*
"Sark has demanded you open her coffin for him." L.M.F.A.O. I have no words because this idea cmsu. Sydney immediately vetoes the idea, but because Vaughn is secretly Sark's bitch, too, he agrees to do it.
~ Opening Credits: Bathroom break!
~ Freezer Burn: Lauren's all frozen and stuff. Sark and Vaughn bitch at each other while they wait for the dumbwaiter holding Lauren's body. Sark spouts some closure nonsense, and sheesh, whotheheck wrote this episode anyway..... oh. Vaughn throws open the lid and turns away so Sark can have his moment with Lauren. Sark stops just short of necrophilia when he unzips Lauren's shirt and settles for feeling up her chest. There's bullet holes, which I'm guessing happened in the Season 2 finale which I still haven't watched. Oh well. From the bullet holes, Sark concludes that Vaughn killed Lauren. And then... wtf. WTF. WTF! Crying? CRYING?!! CRYING????!!!!! THERE'S NO CRYING IN SPYVERSE! ...well, if you're supposed to be a badass spy, which means Syd's exempt from this rule of cool-dom. BUT CRYING?! W. T. F! Just when I decide that Sark's a badass again after last week's episode, now I learn that he was taking a continuing ed course in Sydney's School of Acting while incarcerated and has officially returned to pansy-assed gooberness. He should thank god he's only been stuck in AliasMinimumSecurityPrison because had he been at, oh say Oz, he would have been everyone's girlfriend. Sheesh. CRYING?!!!! *shanks someone before poking out eyes* After Sark wipes away his tears, he agrees to take everyone to CRF HQ but only if Vaughn "faces what he did" and "looks at her." Okay. So I guess Sark's been taking some Psych For Spies courses, too, while stuck in prison.
~ Hospital of Suck: Syd's on the phone with... whatever. Weiss and Sloane are by Nadia's bedside. *wishes I were in a coma right now* Sloane doesn't blame Syd for what happened, which is a shame, because I'd really like him to hurt her right now and put her out of my misery. There's something about Sloane's faith in Rambaldi. Or something. Before I can learn to care, alarms start blaring. Weiss and Syd run off with guns pointed, but Anna, who is way cooler than either of them, pops up in her nurse's outfit and fires off a couple of rounds into a bed that is so obviously filled with pillows. Didn't she ever sneak out of the house when she was a kid? Calmly - because it never pays to panic - she shoots at Syd, strolls over the the fire hose, fires at the window, and throws herself out the window while hanging onto the hose. She lands prettily on her feet and without a scratch despite the glass window she just ran through. Sweet! (not) Syd runs back to Nadia's room, lifts the cover, and finds a bunch of blood bags. Umm... dude, isn't there a blood shortage? Sloane pops his head through the door to tell Syd that all's well and he moved Nadia to the next room just in case. Did he just unplug Nadia from everything, throw her over his shoulder, and dump her in the other room? Or does transportation of coma patients work on the same magical principles as their spyplanes?
~ HQ: Nadia gets moved from the hospital. Sloane tells Jack to seek, destroy, and eliminate Anna. Wow... or at least it would have been a 'wow' if I weren't fixated on how tiny Sloane is compared to Jack. Kinda takes the edge off his badassness. Other than that, this show is turning into the Daddy Loves Daughter show and it's getting boring. They're spies, dammit. Compartmentalize and all that crap.
Meanwhile, in Marshall's lab... Marshall blabbers about something he thinks is really interesting while Jack looks at him like 'wtf, shut up already, you freaking nutjob.' You know what else is really interesting? Jack's ears in this scene. Whoa. Marshall's hacked into the video feed of Nadia's fight from the last episode. There's no audio, but the genius that is Marshall has written a voice reconstruction program to take care of that. He runs the audio software, moving his lips to the jerky Robo!Marshall voice that plays over Nadia's lip movements in the video. *snerk* Okay, so I laughed pretty damn hard, but that doesn't stop me from hating myself for doing it. Unfortunately, the program can't tell them what the bad guy said before he bit it, but.... Marshall did find a freaky looking Anna hiding in the shadows. Ick.
Vaughn tells Syd all about their mission, and they try to make cute while I attempt to poke my eyes out with the blunt end of my optical mouse.
Vaughn: "Do you mean, is it a glorified date?" Sydney: "That's not what I meant, but is it?"
*pokes eyes out... gags... bangs heads against wall*
Vaughn: "No, not exactly. We've got to take Sark with us."
Oooh. *perks up* So... it's a glorified threesome? *suddenly interested in this scene* According to Vaughn, Sark doesn't think Sydney and Vaughn can get through the front door without him, which makes sense, because I always took Vaughn as a back door kind of guy. At least that was the vibe I got from Jack, Sloane, and Sark. Marshall and Weiss are just kind of oblivious.
Still back at HQ... Jack blatantly asks the doctor what will happen if... oh... say... Nadia just happened to be unexpectedly forced out of her coma... not that Jack's gonna do it... but you know, just in case someone else did it to Nadia, what adverse effects would there be... because Jack's just curious and not really going to do anything because that would just be too damn obvious if he asked these questions now and Nadia were to awaken a few minutes later with a gross amount of un-coma-fying drugs in her system. Except Jack would so be off the suspect list because he managed to throw off the doc with a 'oh, I'm not thinking about waking her up and there's really no reason to wake her up... yet' and then Jack crosses his fingers behind his back and runs off teehee'ing into his hand. And umm... hmmm... I just kinda went off on a tangent there, didn't I? Damn.
~ On the Magical SpyPlane: More mission talk. Boring. "I gave you my word, Mr. Vaughn. Am I to take it you don't trust me?" Oh geez. I'm going to give Sark a word, too -- FUCKINGDUH. I'm not trying to be funny when I say the dialogue in this episode sucks and blows. "I've become a trustworthy man." Huh? After a short stint behind bars? Well... okay... I guess a cellmate in the form of a really really large man named Tiny could have done that to him. *shrugs*
~ Mission of Yawn: The Sanko or whatever guy has never met Lauren before but knows her voice. So why is Syd 1) getting into a Lauren costume when the guy doesn't even know what Lauren looks like anyway, and 2) going on the mission if they want someone who could give a convincing LaurenVoice because god knows Syd's accents are just as atrocious as Vaughn's. As Sydney preps for the mission, it's become more apparent that unless they can Photoshop a lifesized Sydney over this one, there's no way the wardrobe department is ever going to make her look like a woman in that wig. She turns to find Creepy!Vaughn watching her get ready. He's all spaced out, probably because she's supposed to eerily resemble the deceased Lauren Reed, resulting in screwy messed up emotions being stirred up inside of him. Using an accent that sounds absolutely nothing like Lauren, Sydney asks him what he thinks of the getup. He responds with 'Perfect,' but let's face it, Vaughn hated Lauren in the end so the fact that she looks absolutely hideous probably fills him with glee.
~ Club Perverted Freak: Everyone's in place and Sark pretty much tells Sydney to put out. Why, when she looks like that, I'll never know, but hey, everyone's got their own weird kinks. Syd's got her own kinks because, for some odd reason, she'd prefer to make out with Vaughn instead of Sark. Go figure. Sanko comes and leers at Syd. Again... something about squicky kinks and stuff. Sark takes lead, and sounds strangely cool and competent and just for a minute, I can pretend that he's all Season 1 badass again and not a crying weenie. Sanko decides he'll give them what they want if LaurenSyd gives him what he wants, which is mainly to watch them get freaky. Syd doesn't want any of that so she pops a wedge of lime into Sark's mouth, sucks down a shot of whatever, and attacks Sark's lips. Sanko goes orgasmic just watching them kiss, which makes me scared of what he'd do if Syd and Sark were forced to do more than just play Lime Suck and Blow. Hmmm. Is that it? After three seasons of crap, that's all I get in the way of Syd/SarkTwuWuv4Eva? *peeved* Anna pops up to kill Sanko. Syd cuffs Sark to the railing, and hello... we've all seen this episode before. Only replace railing with fence, and SD-6 with Anna. No way Sark's going to stay patiently cuffed there. Duh. "Give me a gun. I can help." Yes, DAMMIT! Give him a gun!
~ SexLove Boat: Anna, really heavy accent and all, informs Sark of the explosive in his neck. Sark cries like a baby as Anna tries to extract the device. Vaughn wants to trigger the device and blow off Sark's head, but Sydney's poo poos the idea thinking Sark can still lead them to the bomb. Dumbass. This gives Anna enough time to cut Sark open and throw the device into the water. For an impromptu neck surgery, there's oddly not much blood. Meh. Anna and Sark greet each other, and it's the start of a beautiful relationship... or until one kills or betrays the other at the end of the episode.
~ HQ: Oh look. Even in this new and improved Alias, Dixon... still has no role.
~ Wake Up, Sleepyhead: Jack pumps Nadia full of drugs and forces her out of her coma. Taking a page out of Sloane's book for Men Who Inappropriately Touch Other Men's Daughters, Jack plays with Nadia's hair and gives her a very nonfatherly look (shut up, you saw it, too).
~ Foreplay: In this lighting, playing opposite Anna, it's so easy to forgive Sark his pansyass ways and remember the good ol' days when he was still a cocky badass assasin. That is... if one can ignore Anna's ridiculous accent, and forget Sark's crying jag from a few scenes ago. Anna asks Sark to be her partner in badassness. Sark mulls over the offer: "My brains, your skills"... Fezzik's strength, my steel... Oh, sorry, it's like a reflex. Which is not helped by the fact that every time I see Sloane and his weird hair on screen, I keep thinking Miracle Max, only less fun. Turns out Anna wants to sell the bomb to someone Sark knows.
~ The Big Conclusion - Thank God: Sark and Anna meet with Bad Guy to sell the bomb. Syd and Vaughn show up and start killing people. Vaughn runs after the guy with the bomb. As expected, the bomb falls out of its case and starts rolling down some steps. Vaughn, again as expected, manages to kick the guy's ass, then catch the bomb before it can roll off that final fatal step. Like, phew and stuff. Syd goes after Sark. Sark's got a head start on both Anna and Sark. Anna, forgetting that she's dealing with a pansyass, let's Sark get too far ahead. He promptly runs through a door and locks Anna out, effectively screwing her in a way that is not fun for her or for us. Anna is obviously pissed. Especially when Tattletale!Sark calls out for Syd. And Sark has officially completed the transformation from badass to pansyass to just plain ol' ASS. Ugh. Poor wonderful Sark. He had so much potential... before the writers totally fucked his character over. Anna and Syd fight, and I root for Anna. Unfortunately, this isn't her show which means Syd wins the fight. Vaughn shows up just in time to arm Sydney and then they do their semi-slo-mo Hug o' Anvil. Dammit, I thought we were done with this crap. Blah. At least Sark's escaped, so here's hoping he gets some of his spine back while he's free.
~ Crap, Another Scene?! Just End Already: Weiss performs stupid human tricks for Nadia and pulls out a batch of flowers, nearly scaring Nadia to death. Good going, Weiss. Syd shows up for the obligatory sister/sister heart to heart shmooopiness. "Hey, we didn't kill each other." Ahhh, but there's still half a season to go...
~ Goddamit, End: Sloane boots Jack out of his office. Sloane confronts Jack for waking Nadia, and there's a Daddy!Catfight. *meow* The tension would probably work better if I didn't think they sekritly wanted to jump each other's bones. Heh.
~ Next Episode: It's somebody's birthday, I wonder who...
Not only that, but today was freezing and really dry and I had really soft hair which meant that I was all staticky and stuff. All day long. Everything I touched AND everyone I touched... there was major sparkage. Ugh. A couple of times, it got scary with the long hair standing on end. Ick. Definitely time to get it cut. According to J, if you can knot your own hair, it's too long. Since she tried three times to knot mine and couldn't because it was too silky, does that mean it's not too long? Hmm. Something to ponder.
Anywho... I'm exhausted, the poopypooh isn't even online right now, and I'm wondering if I'm in the mood for SarkSnark....
Okay, so I'm a week behind. I should really just skip to tonight's Alias ep and do the snark for it. Buuuuuuuut... last week's write-up was already more than halfway done and it just looked really pathetic and silly to leave it unfinished. So here, I present, last week's episode. Still invisitexted because I like blank spaces.
Will most likely have tonight's thoughts written up tomorrow. Honest. Or... okay... maybe.
From last week...
Alias: 4.8 Echoes ... aka 4.SARK!
~ Casa SpySibs: Nadia babbles on and on about Weiss pulling down her visor so the sun doesn't get in her eyes. Everyone: AWWWWW. Except, *gag*. Sydney passes her a note: Weiss wuvs you. Do you lurrrrrve Weiss back? Check 'yes' or 'no'. Nadia dutifully checks 'maybe.' So Sydney gets all girlie with the "You're not going to break his heart, though, right?" to which Nadia says, "No, I'm just gonna kill him... because I'm EVIL." (Hmm, hope I didn't spoil anyone. Because you KNOW that's what's going to happen.) Actually, she says "Yes, I LOVE him!" but I like my version better. Sydney senses a "but..." in Nadia's response, but that's only because she's had really bad luck in relationships and can't wrap her head around two semi-non-dysfunctional people liking each other for no apparent reason other than as a plot device.
~ HQ: Vaughn/WeissTwuWuv4EVA!!! Soooo obvious after their walk-and-talk. Vaughn teases Weiss about Nadia comparing him to a big spoonful of ice cream. Weiss thinks the analogy is supposed to be a compliment, but I'm assuming that's because he thinks Nadia was referring to a low-fat brand. And really, even if she were secretly making fun of him, he'd never believe it because she has a great accent and basically told him she thinks he's edible. What I want to know is... WHAT is it about this show, relationships, and ice cream?! Vaughn tries to poop all over Weiss's love-giddy by telling him to take things slow. Apparently, just because Syd's no longer putting out, no one else should be getting any. There's some funny between the two lovebirds, but then they're interrupted by Sydney and Nadia, and suddenly, it's become a SpyDoubleDate. Bleh.
~ Mission Briefing: Sloane goes on and on and on, and then ends by saying he's not allowed to touch their newest case. Sheesh. He's getting even wordier than Marshall. Jack takes over, throws out Anna Espinosa's name, and waits to see if the audience still remembers her from the FIRST SEASON. Sydney obviously doesn't, thinking Anna was dead when we all know Anna only walked off-screen in Time Will Tell and was never heard from again. Until now. Because TPTB doesn't trust the fans to remember more than Sydney, we get the obligatory 'Anna Is So TehEVIL' exposition from Marshall. What TPTB don't realize is that this only manages to make Anna, who was already a way cooler spy than Syd to begin with, sound even more kickass than Syd. More Anna recapping from Marshall, and Rambaldi is mentioned. Nadia gets one whiff of Rambaldi and walks out of the meeting... because she is EVIL!
~ SpySibs Do Lunch: Syd recaps Time Will Tell for Nadia. Blah blah. Then Nadia returns the favor by doing a quick Rambaldi recap for all the new viewers in the audience. Everyone else yawns. Things gets interesting when Nadia reveals her sekrit fantasy of killing Sydney. Oh, if only this were to come true. Before we can get any more details, a waiter comes by to inform Syd she has a phone call. Because she's such a supaspy, Syd falls easily for the oldest trick in the book, and practically hands Nadia over to Anna. Anna's accent is ridiculously thick. Syd's face goes all sour. Nadia looks bored... or stoned... or both.
~ Opening Credits: I don't even mind the one billion and one Sydneys traipsing across my screen. Why? Because THIS IS THE SARK EPISODE!
~ HQ: Everyone rushes around, trying to figure out what to do after Sydney loses Nadia. Sloane watches from his office. And I am bored because there is no suspense and who cares if they lose Nadia because there are way too many people on this show anyway. Besides... WHERE IS SARK?!
~ Brussel Sprouts: Syd goes in as Anna and meets up with some old dude. Syd complains about her frizzy wig; old guy wants to get in her pants. (Or something. I have selective hearing.) Old dude will only hand over his package if Syd kills some other guy and brings him the guy's right index finger as proof. Sydney doesn't look happy about this, but it's probably due more to the 40 minute deadline than anything else because god knows Syd's never been able to complete a mission without something fucking up. Dixon and Vaughn, stuck in the HoYayVanOfExtraneousSpies, try to figure out who the intended victim is.
Vaughn: This guy's got a real thing for hookers. (Leave it to Vaughn to catch that little factoid.) Syd: Wait.
And because Syd is a SpyWh0re, she comes equipped with the easy-to-rip black dress (velcro seams, sounds like) and the top secret super-duper-wonder-push-up bra (daaaaamn, more like a miracle bra). Ripping a scene from True Lies, she pours water over her head and then struts out of the van. She meets up with her mark, and I die a little every time she opens her mouth to speak. Dear god. The accent thing doesn't always make a person hotter. Sometimes, it just makes them sound stupid. She lures him back to the room where the HoYaySpies are waiting.
Elsewhere... Anna taunts Nadia and then brands her. *LOVES Anna*
Back at the hotel, the SpyThreesome snip off bad guy's finger. It could be worse. Old dude could have demanded bad guy's middle finger, but didn't. In the grand scheme of things, that middle finger is going to be a hell of a lot more useful than the index finger so whythefuck is the bad guy complaining anyway? Sheesh. Priorities, people. Syd hands over the finger to the Old Dude, who in turn, hands her the "last sample" of whatever.
~ Marshall's Lab: Something something Dante Compound. Something something very bad. Something something CRF. (Sidenote: Why is it the bad guys get all the cool(er) names/acronyms? SD-6, K-Directorate, CRF, The Covenant, that F whatever that Sark took down and I can't remember the name... And what do the good guys get saddled with? APO. Wtf?) Jack wants Marshall to make a plausible substitute for the compound. Marshall does his 'no I can't, no I can't, well, yeah I can because I am genius' song and dance. *YAWN*
~ Syd Whines: Syd wants to trade the compound for Nadia's life. Sloane doesn't think it's a good idea, but Syd gets all bratty and whines to Jack. She pleads with him, invoking the "Dad" term over and over and over and over again. Okay, I don't know what kind of crappy black ops division the CIA is running here, but could they have picked less professional spies? Everyone's paired off; they're double and triple dating in the office; HoYay abounds like whoa; and Jack isn't he boss, he's dad. It's a wonder they get any work done.
~ Shopping: Syd and Anna pretend to be girls. They make their trade. Anna cops a feel and Syd bitchsmacks her. Anna then proceeds to kick Sydney's ass. The poor store clerk gets his ass kicked as well. Then, because this is Sydney's show and not Anna's, Syd miraculously manages to win the fight. She rescues Nadia from the trunk of a car, they hug, and I poke my eyes out.
~ Federal Pound Me in the Arse Prison: Vaughn walks the mile, and... SARK!!!!!!!!!! SQUEEEE!!! SARK!!!!! Wait... I forgot. Sark gets absolutely NO LOVE unless he's reformed and stopped being the pansy-ass sissy from S3. Vaughn greets him. Sark snarks back, and yup... there is hope and there are CURLS and there is LOVE. I missed that cocky bastard. *sniffle* Sark taunts Vaughn, bringing up the topic of Lauren. Wait, Sark loved Lauren? What happened to Allison? Sark is such a whore. Vaughn thinks so, too, but since he has to keep his yearning for Sark a secret, he sucker punches him instead, cuz he's all manly and stuff, yo. "I see your bargaining skills have gone the way of your manhood." L. M. F. A. O. This scene between Vaughn and Sark is totally CMSU. Vaughn's furrows are also acting the hell out of this scene. Damn.
~ HQ: Nadia and Weiss do the slow-mo run of love towards each other in the BlackOpsTunnel. Weiss stops just short of jumping her and making life-reaffirming lurrrve to her. Which is good, because the Dad is waiting at the end of the tunnel. There's a nice father-daughter moment, but Syd ruins it by giving everyone the stinkeye.
~ SpyInfirmary: Nadia's got a nasty Rambaldi brand on her neck. Ouch. Sydney tells Nadia the story of Our Mom, a quick summary of the newest audiobook she picked up from B&N over her lunch break. Blah blah blah Prophecy crap. According to Rambaldi, only one of the sisters will survive. OH DEAR GOD, I HOPE IT'S NOT SYDNEY. Then Sydney tries to boot Nadia's ass back to Argentina. *snerk* Then Nadia asks Syd if she believes in the Rambaldi crap. Duuuude, they all better because I spent three years of my life - three years I'll never get back, mind you - believing in that stuff and I will cry and hurt someone if they don't solve it. Soon.
~ Prison of Sexy: Gas is pumped into the cell block. Sark is sleeping. Sadly, he is not nekkid. Guys in masks come in and inject what looks like a messed up op-amp into Sark's neck. The things this guy's had forced into his body... (and I probably won't finish that joke).
~ Dexter Marshall's Lab: Marshall geeks out over the mini-bomb tracking device they inserted into Sark's neck. Whatever.
~ The Fakest JailBreak Ever: Sark is led into the back of the transport van, which is locked using the world's dinkiest padlock. Then the world's worst sound effects. Then Sark getting thrown around the back of the truck in directions that make absolutely no sense. Then some "bad guy" lets him out and drives off with him. Then we get the obligatory 'guy who's supposed to be dead opening his eyes trying to be all spooky-like because OMG! it was totally a set up' moment. *eyeroll*
~ HQ: Sydney and Jack talk talk talk. Jack sends Syd and Nadia out to do surveillance... like ha! She doesn't know the meaning of pure surveillance, Jack. Duh. Telling Syd not to get her ass involved in things that are none of her business is like telling her not to get shmoopy in one episode. It ain't gonna happen.
~ Lamest Jailbreak, Part II: "Bad guy" stops the car and tells Sark to get his butt over to CRF HQ. If that's not a glaring neon sign that this is a set up, I don't know what is. Sark questions why "bad guy" isn't going with him, and like every crappy CIA agent, "bad guy" invokes this infamous "Protocol" that all spies are supposed to follow but never do, no matter what organization they work for. The only good thing about this scene? A visual of Sark riding off on his little bike. Rowr. Back at base, the UselessSpies wait for Sark to lead them to the real bad guys. Marshall makes a joke, but I ignore him. Sloane accosts Sydney in the hallway, wanting to know what's the dealio with her taking Nadia off on a wild Anna chase.
"This is highly inappropriate," Sydney sniffs, before man-strutting out of the shot... only because she doesn't actually know what the definition of "inappropriate" is and needs to run away before Sloane can call her on it. Pot. Kettle. Black.
Blah blah blah. Sloane's afraid that Anna will make my dreams come true and either Nadia or Sydney will return alive. Again, I burn incense and sacrifice virgins that it's not Sydney.
Weiss is having a hernia, waiting for Sark's tracking device to go online. Meanwhile, the conference table is littered with the meal containers of my people and I'm suddenly hungry. Everyone picks on Marshall. The importance of finding the BadGuyHQ is reiterated -- like DUH. Finally, Marshall tracks down Sark to somewhere in South Africa. Everyone gets up and heads towards their magical transporter that will beam them from LA to SA justlikethat.
~ CRF Not: Dixon leads a team into some warehouses. Damn these guys are noisy. Dixon's "got something." Only they have to run down a really long hallway, break down some doors, and then finally get to the "something," which is just Sark sitting in the middle of a room, waiting for them in the dark. Sark pops some champagne and drinks out of the bottle. Sark's also in leather. Rowr.
Vaughn: "This isn't CRF headquarters." Sark: (stealing my line) "You're a genius."
Who the heck wrote this crap anyway? And really... anyone could have seen this coming like five episodes and two seasons ago. You know, back before Sark turned into spydom's biggest goober. Btw, Sark still needs a cookie or two. Sark promises to help them locate CRF but of course, there's a catch... which we will not learn about because we now are contractually obligated to leave the Sexy behind and go to...
~ Sisters R Us: And immediately there is hate.
Nadia: "We're early." Sydney: "Who says girls can't make it anywhere on time?"
HATE! Big freaking HATE! As a girl who always makes it either on time or early for all important events - say, a mission - I take offense. Fashionably late just means too lazy to start getting prepared to leave the house on time. Then again, because Sydney's mostly man, maybe she doesn't know any better and it would make sense for her to make such a stupid remark. But mostly, I just like to hate on her because she's so hate-inducing and annoying. And her lips are seriously scary. Anna and co show up to steal the bomb. Sydney runs after her after first getting permission from the better spy Nadia. Nadia stays behind to kick bad guy ass with a patented Jackie Chan belt move. There's a lot of juicy slurpy sound effects and the bad guy whispers something to Nadia. Whatever. Sydney runs around like a duck without a head and then ends up facing off with Nadia. DUMB. They both breathe a sigh of relief that neither one is Anna. Then just as they're about to do their usual Sister!Hug, Nadia gets shot in the back. Don't you just hate when that happens? Sydney tries to comfort her, tells her not to be scared (uh, WTF?), assures her she's not leaving her, and talks and talks a
