Sunday, September 28, 2003

 Third time's the charm

I've always liked Season 3s. I can name a bunch of shows where I consider the third season their best. As such, I'm hoping for good things tonight. And even if there aren't any good things, I'm all set because Pooh's got ice cream. Not liquor, sadly, but ice cream. The yummy kind she wishes The Kief were around to force feed to her, but that's another story...

Because I promised SM that the Evil LJ Empire will not take over, Pooh's going to make sweet love to her invisitexting. Rowr!

The following off-the-cuff commentary (done while simultaneously watching the ep) is the opinion of one Pooh Tastic. No shippers were harmed in the process. Honest.

"Last season on Alias"

(Hey, Boomtown people! Try one of those, and not a "what were the details of the case?"... "you don't remember? what d'ya got? short term memory loss?"... "why don't you remind us again" craaaaaappppp. Thank you.)

~ The Anviltropolis Philharmonic segued into a swelling romantic crescendo, to end the last movement of the shutthefuckup concerto.
~ Sloane wants to finish the last leg of his million mile marathon himself, and Syd hides her lust for him (*looks around innocently* no, really... she's got a bad poker face) behind the threat of slashing his throat. (That Syd, always playing so hard to get. Pffft.)
~ Allison kicked Syd's ass. 'Nuff said. Well, except for the fact that Syd has awful aim.

Two years later

~ Syd wakes up. Vaughn is still married, and cries like Gwyneth Paltrow receiving an Oscar. In other words, so obviously fake and so not cutting it.
~ Answer: "You were dead. You were dead. You were dead." Question: "Who why where when how?!? What the hell happened?" BZZZZZZTTTT! Wrong question. Correct question: "And you got married?!?!?" Yes, obviously, all our priorities are definitely in order.
~ Vaughn's a teacher, yo. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
~ Syd kicks Vaughn's ass. And Pooh loops scene over and over and over and over and over. And... one more time... Then in slo-mo.... No, seriously, this'll be the last time.... No, I really mean it this time...
~ Hmm. In Hong Kong, English is language of the business and service industries, and Cantonese is the more common dialect. For the record, Cantonese also sounds more badass (not like the crappy... Mandarin?... used. Seriously, even I had trouble figuring out what they were saying, and the Pooh is fluent in CrappyChinese), but then, I'm slightly - okay, very - biased. Heh. :P
~ Dude. Exactly how long does it take for the stupid tranq dart to work its magic anyway? *counts seconds* Yeesh, Syd, just fall down already.
~ Dixon. Awww... Dixon. You know what? Dixon needed to smack HystericalSyd a few times. More than a few times. And whoa... back up the train of yeah-that-would-so-happen. Dixon is the head of their division? A man who was happily working for the Enemy for years?
~ Wow. I actually got a warm fuzzy when Weiss made his entrance. Didn't think that would happen. And heyyyyy... the man's actually sounding pretty damn competent. Oh, dear. Another slightly warm fuzzy for Weiss keeping watch over Syd's hospital bed. (HEY! That's like straight out of my SVU dream! Only Syd=Pooh and Weiss=Elliot. And Elliot had his sleeves rolled up and was fucking hot. And then something happened... which we won't get into in this post since this blog is a family-friendly place. Yeah...)
~ Oh, look. Badasses on the train. With great sound effects. Love when you can hear the blood spurting.
~ Syd has an epiphany. You know this because she does the whole tortured sleeping bit, then suddenly jolts up with that whole "shocked, omg...nononononononono" look. Just like me, whenever I wake up remembering shocking things about my life.
~ Finally. Opening credits. 13 minutes into the show. About damn time, although I must admit, rather annoyed to have this distraction right now. Grrr.
~ "I've lost my keys. Where are they?" LMFAO. Marshall's sweet. But dude. small doses, please. And the Carrie/Marshall thing? Eh. That's right, you heard me. Eh.
~ Oh geez. It's ThatGuy. What'sHisFace. The NSC dude. Can't remember his name off the top of my head, but doesn't he normally play smarmy "funny" guys or cliched bad guys? Either case, I sense nothing of the good with this casting choice. It's going to bug me for however long it takes Syd to get him killed. Where's my sexyhot snarky bald lurver Kendall, dammit! Dixon's okay, and ThatGuy is totally bleh, but none of them can ever replace The Kendall. :(
~ Syd takes a page out of Irina's playbook. "I am not going to __(insert mission)__, unless you let me see __(insert family member)__." Niiiiice.
~ "Sweetheart, you look so beautiful." ~ AWWW! SpyDaddy really does love the Pooh. *smap* Jack? Still hot. Even with the... erm... what is that on his face? And Syd sucks on a lemon Warhead. I mean... is overcome by emotion at seeing her father. Yeah, that's it; I snark because I care.
~ EEEEP!!! Jack and Irina! JackAndIrina! SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!! Still hot and still counts, even when they're not on screen together.
~ Um....
~ *takes a breather*
~ UMMM.... Syd busts out the angsty, crying deal, blathering about how she lied for leverage in order to see Jack, and now she's all so lost and confused because she's been gone for two years, can't remember a damn thing, has no more friends, no job, no home, blah blah blah, but let's not concentrate on any of that stuff. Tomorrow, she'll still have been missing for two years; she'll still not know where her friends went; she'll still not have her memories. But today, stop everything because VAUGHN'S MARRIED. The frell. How DARE he???? Bastard.
~ "Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never enough good for you anyway."
~ "Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you anyway." Sorry, just thought it was important enough to repeat.
~ "Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you anyway." And maybe one more time....
~ "Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you anyway." Okay, seriously... I'll stop now.
~ "You probably know this, but I love you." Awwwwwwwwwww!!!! Pooh dissolves into mush. Every single line out of VG's mouth is acting gold.
~ "Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you anyway." Oh, sorry. Thought I was over that line, but apparently not. Still cmsu.
~ Mmm. Weiss as RedLeader. I'm shocked, I tell ya. He's actually a pretty competent field agent. The combat gear helps. Like a lot. Rowr. He's definitely made a believer out of me, unlike you know... that other desk jockey... the one with all the wrinkles.
~ Mmmm again. Weiss and his gun. Yum.
~ Yo. Dude. In the lab? With the bad guys shooting at Syd? Ummm.... When did Syd turn into MacGyver?
~ "If I'd told the truth, this might not have happened." Bwahahahahahahaa. Okay, very sad that all those good agents died, but hallelujah for continuity: Syd is always getting the good agents killed. Which explains why Vaughn always survived their joint missions.
~ SLOANE!!!!! Rowrrrrrrr! "Peace"? Dude is so scheming. Cannot wait to see him bust out into his badass evil self again. And you know... the little bit of Syd/Sloane on the table... hot. :P
~ Ugh. Ugggghhhhhhhh! Mr. NSCDude, die. Just... die.
~ Woohoo! BadassSyd. No regard for human lives. Kaboom! I don't get the whole red dress thing, though. Did I miss something? Like a reason for her to get all dolled up? Did her mini-rocket launcher, or whatever that was, clash with, you know, regular clothes? Pooh likey the BadassLeather!Sydney, too. See how much cooler she is when she's not crying or whining and Vaughn's not around?
~ D'OH! Spoke too soon. :( "Don't use rational thought as a defense with me." LMFAO. No, of course not. No one should bother with that. Besides, everyone knows it all comes down to faith. And possibly soulmates. Just ask Dawson and Joey. Dude? I'm not even going to touch the "I would have waited" crapola. *waves hi to Danny*
~ "And now I realize what an absolute waste that would have been." Dude. LMFAO!!!!! Oh, and... Pooh/Syd4Eva&Eva!
~ Awwww!!! Jack/Syd!!! *weeps tears of joy* *chants "am not a girl, am not hormonal, am not easily manipulated into tears through cheap tactics"* Oh, hell. Who am I kidding? *bawls over SpyDaddy/SpyBarbie tender moments*
~ The Russian diplomat? Soooooo DaddySark. Unless he isn't. Then soooooooo not DaddySark.

In conclusion, I lurved this ep. Yummy ep. Great ep. Lots and lots of stuff I loved: Badass!Syd, Jack in prison, Jack out of prison, Jack snarking on Vaughn, Jack Jack Jack, the introduction of the so very badass Covenant, a Weiss that didn't make me want to roll my eyes, very little Marshall, and oh so very little Vaughn.

The bad? I'm still not seeing the DixonInCharge thing. Sigh. The NSC guy. UGH!!! No Irina. No Sark. No Sark. No Irina. No Sark. No Irina. No Sark. No Irina. No Sark. No Irina.... Did you get that? Wasn't sure.

*does happy dance* CanNOT wait for next week.

**********

In other news.... Pooh and cd whored ourselves out all over NYC.

Except not.

|| posted by Pooh at 7:48 PM ... ||

---