Thursday, July 31, 2003
I think it's the running, I mean... walking.
Yep. Fresh Air and exercise are evil. I haven't felt this nasty for this long in... forever. Seems like every day I wake up with a bit of a tummyache. :( What does an ulcer feel like? Because the last time I thought I had one, it turned out to be gas... or something. I don't remember; I was too interested in the mechanics of the ultrasound they were doing on me to pay attention.
Seems like life sucks and work sucks for a lot of people. *Sigh*
It's depressing me, and scaring me at the same time. I don't like worrying; I don't like the anxiety; I don't like feeling numb and tingly all over and like my heart is in permanent constriction. (Hmm. Heart attack, you think?) And the stress, and the lies, and the miscommunications, and the backstabbing with a smile... Conflict makes me want to puke. Instability makes me want to hide.
Case in point: Work has been downsizing lately because it's important for them to be in double-digit growth. Nevermind that the numbers are close. Last week, rumors became fact when 25% of a certain business unit were let go. A very good friend of mine who is in another business unit - a department I would have seriously considered applying for if I were ready for a fulltime job right now - was promised that he'd be safe and that they were going to lay off people closer to retirement if their unit got the call to take a couple for the entire team. His bosses promised him this; higher management promised him this; over and over and over. (Apparently, they've been saying this to everyone in the unit. The bastards! Hmph!) Friend just got married, has baby on its way, and will be celebrating his one year anniversary at work next month. He didn't entirely believe the promises, but what could he do? He's the hardest worker in that unit. I know, because whenever I walk through that department, there's always a good number of people sleeping in their cubicles.
And when word came down two days ago, in the tumult of "refocusing our resources," guess who was the very first name on that list? Yep. Friend was so upset, I didn't find out until this morning because I couldn't find him yesterday. And in a private conversation with his bosses, apparently nothing was assured, nothing was promised, and oh... it turns out that he's a really good worker but just not focused enough. Only, not in so many words. Dude. Man practically lives here. And one of the people who was supposedly getting the boot but didn't? A guy who's planning on retiring in a few months, made public that he was willing to do it earlier, changed his mind, and just happens to be a really good acquaintance of the incoming VP. What stinks even more is that they still expect him to come in for another month. How does someone concentrate at work when they know they've already been let go? (And what about ME?? Who will I hang out with at work so I don't feel like banging my head against the wall whenever I'm here? Doesn't anyone think of me?!? Dammit. I mean, sucks for the friend, but he's 24. He's young. Okay... no, it really really really does suck for him. Like a lot.) Sure they're telling all the unlucky ones to wrap up their stuff quickly and to use the career center resources to find other jobs, which is sorta thoughtful, but still...
Supposedly, even though there's a hiring freeze, there is one opening for a college hire in my department. Unlike the friend's, this unit is a shared service with other units and isn't expected to turn a profit by itself, so stability is a little better here. But it would mean graduating like... Right. Now. And now I'm not even sure if I want to stick around here, or even do research. I'm so confused, and it's not adding to this week's stress.
Corporate America sucks. Which is why I don't have the nerve to graduate from school. Who wants to step hip deep into that pile of doodoo?
Maybe I need a new line of work. Does anyone need a secretary? I'm great at filing, I type over 100 wpm, and I can learn to make coffee (or I could just run to Starbucks). Plus, I'll be the most overqualified secretary ever. How cool would that be? Hmm... no? Okay. How about window washer? No, wait. Afraid of heights. Phone sex operator? Uh... no, I'd be giggling all the time. Grrrrrr. Where's my uber-rich husband to sweep me off my feet, dammit!
And just because I don't say it enough: I lurve all of you guys. Even when I bitch and moan at you, or ignore you. Really, I do. But then... I'm in that kind of weird mood today. Hell, I admitted New Kid love last night. *shudder* Must go take pills....
|| posted by Pooh at 10:45 AM ... ||